._ , , . *|, * _ _ -+--+- _. _|* _ || | (_](_) | | (_] (_]|(/, * ._| , , ._ . . . . . _ . . _ _ -+--+- _. |,. . _.;_/*._ _ |*. , _ _| _ _ _| \_|(_)(_| (_](_) | | (_] | (_|(_.| \|[ )(_] || \/ (/, (_](_)(_)(_] ._| ._| ._| A N O V E L B Y M A R T I E " M U R D S " M O O D ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Chapter 5 Years ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: (10/31/24) =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= -=-=- OUTSIDE COVER -=-=- =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= ON BLONDE NOTEBOOK DO NOT READ YET -> Fuck this guy, am I right? SUNDRIES & MISC. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= -=-=- INSIDE COVER -=-=- =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I wanna make it brief. You're already horny about a second book -- or whatever. I like the idea of testing tons of writing exercises and going from there. I also have some other ideas percolating. But I told myself not to text myself anymore, and to get the fuck off the apps, lol. Going to send yourself nutty. Great phrase, jabroni. 1. Comment Below -yt -B.L. -G.R.? i. Brainstorm 100 writing exercises 1. Get Fucked 1. One Day At Hell 1. Interview w/yourself 2. Strict 70 1. ALL THE SCRIPT REVIEWS (you paid for them) {Sidenotes: BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY xx DO THE 1ST 1ST} (5/2/25 3:08 a.m.) "Matt, Matt, wake up!/I was thinking about how there's no true end to anything/ Everything comes from and goes to the same place/Nowhere!/So, if the beginning is the end/And the end is the beginning/Then what's the end anyway?/Does that help you sleep better?/Like the rosy haze of an apocalypse sky/Or the comfort inside of a lie?" -The End, Magdalena Bay (2021) CUT TO BLACK. (5/2/20 2:37 a.m.) FADE IN: (8/7/21) Top Left: 4x4, clips facing upwards [x] -> CPU on new PSU Right: 24 pin, clips facing out (right) [x] GPU: Clips facing up-> Got a duo then 6; then have just the four, duo off [x] -> This was thru before the 24-pin -> Used zip for the extra shit, keep it together Others: HDD/SD-> On same jawn, left one above and the other stuffed the fuck underneath -- other powers go into MB -- but don't mess with that [x] -> Dumb shit is behind cable FYI -> Too many, just improvise Two Fans: Attached to 4-flat pronger, rest are wrapped at the front -> Prongs on right-> Kinda fucked [x] (9/22/21) Alright, hey, long-time, no see, fuckface. So, fast and dirty. What kind of characters do you like to write? And -- also -- what sort of people do you remember from school? Well, Ultra Cynical Dude that listens to HIM and thinks life is pointless. That's fun to me. Just Rust Cohle as a teen. I think that's funny and parodies a certain type of student. Someone super into Drama. I mean acting but nah, what if they're a massive gossip? Could be #####'s character. Just went from studying Pokemon to studying people. Dude that's trying to min/max his life. Like, wants a perfect equation and method to everything he does. Think ##### #. Obviously loves video games. Someone that relates everything back to movies. Could be a trait to video games, too. Maybe like a #### ##### kinda person that is now suddenly super hipster. Into all this emo shit now. I mean, that's kinda Isaac already. Don't go cliche, dipshit. Guy that has medical problems, other parents don't want their kids to hang with them. (Parvati?) And that just tears them up inside. Like, oh, I'm not good enough for this {Sidenotes: Character Brainstorm: 30m *Think->What would be fun to write -- period!} douchebag's family. That's a cool dynamic. I mean, Parvati, Isaac could fit that. Someone who's whole life is a satire. Like pretends to be an ultra-right Christian...But turns out they're an ultra-right Christian nutbar. A character that's a student council psychopath. Meh. What else. A drug-addict. Very original. Loser. Think. A baseball player that's ready to break a little and wants something a little more destructive. A guy who tries to be a comedian. Funny guy but just always takes it too far. Meh. Those characters always suck. Who else? This is hard. Guy that pimps people's MySpace's out. Dude that is a shut-in, doesn't say much, but fills out MySpace Quizzes and lives online 24/7. I like, but could be Emma. I like that relation, though. Someone that has to take care of someone in their life. Hm. What if for 15 minutes, I think of people that would bounce off Emma (then Isaac) well. Like, Emma: Terrorized by imperfection. Paranoid of what people think of her. Self-sabotaging. Wants to live in her own cave instead of facing reality. Could achieve great things, but is scared by it. So, let's think. Someone that gives out unneeded advice, cuz they have a perfectly figured out life->MySpace worthy. Someone that does Jackass stunts. Doesn't care if a bone gets broken. Someone that LiveJournals all her thoughts. Vlogs. Just a supposed open-book. A fun druggie, like, you wouldn't notice usually. And they're just casual as fuck about it. Meh. Meh. Fuck. A really great basic white girl. Lol. Someone whose expectations are too high for them, and they struggle with proving themselves. A person that, I don't know, just wants to bury their beak. Shit. Someone who wants to get away from the town. Can't stand the people. There are "hidden" elements that bother them. Fuck. I don't know. Teacher's pet in English class. Someone that was suspended by a team and is free now. Someone that went to rehab a bit. Fuck. Gay dude. Lol. Someone that robs people. A karate instructor. Think about people in your life. ####. Family owns a business. ######. ######. ######. ####. Someone that moves away. Shit. Few ideas there. I guess. Characters, 21st Emma: Has taught herself how to be likable and survive social situations. Still, alone, she struggles with her self-worth. Believes people are talking to her out of necessity. If she wasn't smart, people wouldn't think about her. She's in marching band because they need someone to play baritone horn. She's in a band because she can play guitar. People don't choose to be around her -- at least in her head. This drives her to stay home and not interact with anyone. (Even her sister. She thinks, well, she's family, I'm a convenience to her, she's far better, more popular.) Her self-worth is in the shitter. She ends up maybe trying too hard, and she ends up going home and hating everything she said. She isn't shy. She's manic. She tries to make people laugh, tries to please people. But even when she succeeds, she thinks others hate her. Because she hates herself. Her solution to this idea of herself is perfectionism. Or rather, avoiding anything that would make her stand out. She wears dull clothes. She avoids conflict. She tries not to offend with her opinions. She avoids sticking out, even when her personality is actually great and naturally stands out. (From online: No way to control perception, you can't decide how people view you.)->When something goes wrong, Emma is like, "It's my fault, I'm feeling this way because I'm not good enough." She thinks: "I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it, please perform, perfect, prove." She's afraid of failure, making mistakes, not meeting people's expectations, which pushes her in a hole and away from areas where she can be vulnerable and become a better person and friend. That perfectionism also manifests itself where she pretends things don't bother her. She hates feelings. She doesn't allow herself to feel vulnerable. She's never cried around people, told anyone she loves them. She mumbles "I love you" to her mom. She doesn't think she herself needs care -- even if she's there for other people; anxiety and depression: she doesn't {Sidenotes: -Emma asks others if anyone talks shit about her -Maybe starts mirroring behavior of Isaac -Self-deprecating to a fucking fault -She's a paranoid, malfunctioning android -Hates plane rides cuz she's not in control -Makes fun of goths 'cause "things could be worse." -Always the shoulder to cry on, but never thinks people would do that for her -Mumbles "I love you" to her mom -Makes excuse for others, not herself} want to pursue stuff because the end result may reveal it to be a mistake. And she hates not being in control of that destination. Maybe she agrees to start the band because, hey, it's just the Battle of the Bands. But then, she takes a leap of faith when the worst happens -- they get last place. This also manifests into self-destructive behaviors-> She hurts herself, games too much, bites her lip 'til they bleed. Further, her inner-monologue is a bitch and a half. Just constantly calls herself an idiot, that she's worthless, that everyone hates her, and more and more "maladaptive" behavior, like avoidance, procrastination, and passive aggressiveness. Also, "hurting" yourself to get back at people. Maybe Emma doesn't sleep the night before an important show as a fuck you to Isaac. Alright. Lotta good there.* Isaac: Should be similar to Emma, bit of an inverse, or at least appears that way. Maybe worth just making a list of personality traits that can be fleshed out if they're interesting. *Cool Detail->Privately plays Iris in her room. 1. If Emma is afraid to embrace the unknown, Isaac is full bore with life. He wants to trek across the U.S. He wants to try drugs, fuck, get in fights, all that shit. Wants to get out. Be in the world, consequences be damned. But he also wants his friend to experience it, too. He wants to be around other people. Basically, appetite for life. {Sidenotes: -Pulls the skin off her lips, tastes her own blood, looks at it in the mirror. -Begins procrastinating her school work and losing sleep to get back at the world. -Likes watching people (emotionally) react to stuff. All that shit. -Becomes embarrassed of the songs she likes, and plays Iris in her room. Lyrics perfectly describe her. (Her fave from 7 y/o.) -Her favorite super hero is Spider-Man, probably has a crush on Tobey M.} 2. If Emma tries to keep her emotions private, in check, then Isaac let's it all out, wants to scream and yell and be angry. This can be driven by fear, depression as well. He can lash out when he feels people are holding back, which in turn is holding him back. Can get into that psychology. But basically, guy wears his heart on his sleeve. He's not afraid of being vulnerable, showing emotion. However, that's usually manifested as anger. Which ties into another thing 'bout him...Er wait, before that: two things-> How does Isaac/Emma feel about human connections? And, how does Isaac view himself? Isaac can be fickle, kind of a bully, but does care about people. That can be covered up by his anger, but at his core, he does want to make bonds with people: he's had some sore spots in the past, and isn't quick to trust. But he knows that human connection is important. Er, hm, I'm wondering. I feel like, he's full of himself, thinks he has people and the world figured out, and he sort of uses people in that way. Thinks he's better than other people. (And he'll say that to people's faces.) But if he trusts you, he'll have your back. Basically, him being hurt in the past doesn't cause him to close up but to be more discerning, ready to bite back. I guess, story-wise, that's why he thinks he "knows" Emma at the beginning, bullies her, thinks he's the funniest person in the room. But then reaches out to her about the band. {Sidenotes: Questions For Every Character: 1. How do you/they view themselves? 2. What do they think of the band, how do they view it and themselves in it? 3. How do others view them, say about them? 4. Wants/Needs 5. Manner of speaking 6. Is there a point to life? Must things matter, make sense? 7. Do they want control? 8. Dislikes/likes 9. What's the plan after college? Er, school?} So, okay. How does he view the band? I guess it was a creative outlet, and a way to enter the ska/punk community. Obviously went to shows. So, that's kind of an extension of like, him feeling like he has knowledge, something to say, and also being able to create a connection. I guess, he's also not a different person on stage like Emma. He's himself, all the time. Q: What is behind kicking out the drummer? The fact that this is his, he's in control of the band, it's his baby that he wants to nurture, his outlet, and someone is pissing in the cornflakes. The drummer flakes, becomes untrustworthy. So, he kicks him out, doesn't break up band. Cool. So, the other thing about Isaac: He's intelligent, he reads, he cares (again) -- that's his weapon. He takes pride in reading people, labeling them who they are, and being able to tear them down with his acerbic wit. And he'll gladly use it to defend himself and his friends. But again, leads back to his anger. He thinks he's right. He's not at fault, gets paranoid and makes assumptions about other people. Lashes out at other people. What's driving that? Is it echoes of Emma? Is self-destruction, self-defeating from fear? He's afraid of being alone, losing everyone? So, any sign that the bonds won't hold, he lashes out. Feels like he'll be betrayed. Blames everyone else over taking responsibility for pushing people away. That feels appropriate. Uh, one thing though for both of them: What's their wants and needs? I guess, Emma wants to, I don't know, be herself, find herself, find her community, but she needs to stop hating herself -- at the core. Maybe wants to be famous, do something, be special. Wants her life to mean something, but can't move toward that goal because of her anxiety. And needs to realize that, people don't hate her, she's special to people. I guess, she wants to matter. And she sorta only matters -- in her mind -- because she can play guitar. Maybe that works. What does she learn from Isaac regarding that, though? Something about perfection? I mean, she learns to have a spine, be there for people, know thyself, learn to say "fuck the world." She also tries to cede control and starts attacking people around her. Oh! Duh! Emma wants to control how people think of her. And she's doing that by being in a band. When she starts to feel like, wait, people are interested in me because of the band, she gets angry and wants more control, which she never asserted before. (Maybe Isaac & Amir talk about how they can peer pressure Emma to do whatever -- and Emma gains self-respect and fights back.) ->Or maybe pretty more accurately, wants to make people like her. They do already. But her journey ironically makes people hate her. She needs to stop, love herself the way other people love her. So, cool. That works. But. Isaac. So, is he just a toxic male? I kinda don't want to do that to him but... {Sidenotes: Series would peel the onion of her psychology Emma's Arc-> Yo. That's good. I think. Wants: For people to like her Action: Starts a band, relies on her "magic trick" Need: To care for herself, love herself, realize the world doesn't hate her.} If he's angry, naturally then yeah, bit of a toxic male. So be it. I guess, the arc I had for him still works. He's someone that perseveres through pain of losing people. The thing is, he is a little aimless as a character in the second half of the current draft. I guess, it's about control. This is his baby. And drummer simply not pulling his weight. The way he gets that across is through anger, but he's right. Dude needed to go. I guess, the difference with the Billy character is that he's a friend he's built trust with. He doesn't want to just toss that away. But he cares about Emma, and also sees that the band goes under without her. I guess, maybe in the second half, he chooses the truth. Wait, what's the truth? And want. Need these. But, he tries to make bridges with Emma and everyone. He's losing people in his life -- again -- and maybe needs to recognize that people aren't pawns, he doesn't have everyone and everything figured out. So, he tries -- hard -- to get the train back on the tracks after being a total chode. But at that point, Emma is being uncooperative. And Isaac decides, this isn't helping anyone. And the guy trying to keep shit together chooses to break his baby up. I mean, that was the old arc, but I still think it works. One thing though-> What's Emma's big choice? Like, what does she do to accept herself? Reaching out for help I don't think works. Like, a choice. Maybe playing the last show, there's some other element to it. Like, in her playing it, she's doing something that asserts she loves herself. I mean, how do you show that you love yourself? How she responds to criticism? Does she come to the protection of Isaac? She goes outside her room and plays and sings successfully? What about in her high school or college life? Does she do something where she helps herself, defends herself? Maybe she's set to do something that's too self-deprecating and she's like fuck that! Like, not going to be a pushover anymore. (Coffee Haus?) I mean, in dealing with her parents. But that may already be resolved. I guess, there could be a bigger blow up, something worse could happen with her college shit. And Emma defends herself or something. God. My head hurts. I mean, this is a start, I guess. I think something about sticking up for herself, saying what she needs. Not trying to please everyone else. And then the other characters. Boy, I like a few things. Like Amir also being a know-it-all, but in a different sense. Cici also trying on a new identity because she got tired of being called a dork, but doesn't have a "magic power" like Emma. And Kellen, hm. Maybe combination: knows who he is, has a relationship he's trying to maintain. Making compromises. (Maybe part of Isaac, idea of compromising.) But what would be his gimmick? Could go total oppo. Just a Ned Flanders type of dude. Maybe even religious to dig into the "What's the whole point?" shit. Hm. And maybe not just straight Christian, by the way. Meh. Could be more interesting than that. And then Del and Parvati, and Freddy, and Billy, they all need new personalities. I guess Billy is still good. Stakes: Will be on his college resume, and will maintain a good GPA. Or something. Lost Ep 1, Pt 1: Plane crash save; Kate & Jack meet; other crew members mingle; monster in forest; traveling to cockpit; weirdo Locke scene; cockpit scene; run; END Lost Ep 1, Pt 2: First two lines the big questions -- I presume. How do we get the transistor working? What was Charlie doing? Then Charlie flashback answering; Shannon and Claire talk; Jin and Sun + Michael scene; Walt (each scene showing an issue going on); finding handcuffs w/Michael; Sayid & Sawyer fight; radio handoff & handcuffs; Sayid & Hurley talking about Sawyer; Kate & Sun random scene; Sayid fixes radio, new mission to get high ground; shrapnel dude; Sun & Jin, Sun being defiant, Jin handing out food; Walt and Michael talking about Vincent; Charlie does drugs; Jack wants meds; {Sidenotes: THEMES 1. What's the point of doing anything when it will all fail anyway? 2. Building a community, a safe space for people, and who are the people that make it (Maybe someone hurt at a show; fight)->Meh, that rarely happened 3. The person you are versus the person you portray to others.} Shannon lamenting dead guy, Ben argues w/her; they go on hike; Sawyer reads a letter and joins the hike; hike montage; Michael and Jack talks about son and Vincent; Locke and Walt play backgammon, good and bad talk and "secret"; Claire and Jin, she chooses to eat; arguing while hiking, something chases them, Sawyer shoots a polar bear; Jack and Hurley surgery; hikers discuss polar bear, then Sayid accuses Sawyer of being the prisoner; Marshall wakes up; group hikes, get signal, realize something else transmitting, going for 16 years; Lost Ep2: Marshall and Jack, sees Kate is a criminal; hiking group make camp; camp discusses their situation decide to lie; Hurley and Jack talk about monster and he learns about Kate; Boone tries to steal the gun and they give it to Kate; FB1: Kate woken up in sheep pen, lies about her name, gets breakfast, gives background of why she's there, gets a job on the farm; hikers return to camp and lie; Jack and Kate talk and tells truth about radio, Jack lies about Marshall waking up; Hurley and Jack talk about his lie and having to get antibiotics in the bad part of the plane; Jack searches plane and finds Sawyer, discuss civilization vs. the wild; Charlie helps Claire with her bag; Sun finds Jin's bag (doesn't) and he tells her to wash up; Charlie and Claire chat, Claire not married and Charlie lies by omission; Hurley runs into Kate and he's nervous, sees she has a gun; begins to rain and Kate joins Marshall; FB2: Kate hiding money in house {Sidenotes: # of scenes: Like 30-35 scenes Kate Scenes: 17 Flashbacks: 4 or 5 Ep.: Overall theme, civilization vs. wilds. Point->Shows who the fugitive is and shows Jack trusting Kate, letting her move on.} but is discovered by farmer, she's leaving but he convinces her to stay one more night; Marshall wakes up and attacks Kate and Jack saves her; Kate asks if Jack can euthanize Marshall and Jack mentions the mugshot and says he's not a murderer; FB3: Farmer betrays Kate for money; Michael and Walt talk about Locke and his "secret" and they argue about Vincent; Michael goes looking for Vincent and runs into naked Sun; Locke and Charlie talk, Boon and Shannon, Sayid and Jack (all about dying dude), Sayid like, you can't save him; Kate and Sawyer talk, mentions killing the guy w/last bullet; Marshall tells Jack not to trust her and that he wants to talk to her alone; FB4: Kate crashes the car, saves farmer, but is still captured; Kate talks to the Marshall (quick FB to plane crash), reveals the "favor" was to ensure farmer got paid, talk crash, choice is presented to her; Hurley and Jack talk, tells him she's strapped; Jack sees Kate leave tent, Sawyer shoots the Marshall; Sawyer missed the heart and dude is still breathing, Sawyer shows remorse, Jack kills him?; Locke uses whistle he made before to find Vincent; Locke tells Michael about dog and makes it so he found it; Jack and Kate talk, wants to tell him what she did but Jack says it doesn't matter; montage of people being nice to each other, and Walt reunites w/Vincent, holds on Locke who's got a weird-ass vibe. Atlanta, Ep2: Earn and Paper talk at the station, sees chick from T-Pain vid, Earn asks if he's dead, Paper gets called away; Pape is free on bond but Earn has to be processed; Pape leaves w/Darius but are accosted by "fan" cop; Earn tries calling Van but just leaves optimistic voicemail and asks to be bailed out; Earn in waiting room with others in jail, dude w/heavy accent talks about how he got picked up; duo gets lemon pepper to go but gets threatened due to Pape's new fame and identity as someone that will kill; he goes to get gas but is eyed up and they gtfo asap; Earn given terrible food, gives it up, then mentally ill patient drinks toilet water and is then beaten by the pigs; Pape and Darius back home, he's not feeling being around people, he's ending up on major mags; goes for a walk and runs into kids playing with guns, and Paper tries to help reprimand him, but when the Mom realizes who it is, she starts flirting; Earn in between two people flirting and shit pops off when he realizes his ex is a man; dude wearing a Batman mask knocks on door then runs away; Van bails Earn. {Sidenotes: # of scenes: 13, but they're longer, they breathe. Each one gets an idea across, sometimes repeating the same theme, too. Themes->1. Earn doesn't want to be in jail, needs to appreciate Van; 2. Fame isn't necessarily a good thing, he's too hot.} More 21st Characters: 1. Since talking about how they view themselves compared to what the world views them as, one person, maybe Isaac, should be gay and maybe alters how they act because of it. Yeah. Could be part of Cici's character maybe. 2. Speaking of, is the "geek tries to be cool" interesting at all? Like, may be super cliche, maybe. 3. Something I appreciated or I guess just noted about ###### is that he had his belief system, his ethics, and they were strong. He hated people smoking weed to act cool cuz of his bro. I mean, that could fit w/either this know-it- all cynic that says weird oddball shit, or a person that's trying to get out of town, get out the shit situation they find themselves in. So, yeah, already some links that I like. Wonder if I make a sort of fill-it-in worksheet, and just fill them with certain character traits. Is there any chance that she has an inner talk like Eliot from Mr. Robot? Like. There will def be a scene where she talks to herself before not calling the guy that gives her his number. Wonder if that's a consistent thing? Or more like Bojack. Well, I guess I should write for 15 if I can't think of other characters to write. ASMR is weird. Hm. Person that makes Y.T. vlogs. Reply Girl. lol. I miss old Y.T. A little. Pretty lawless. I guess, that's what made the old internet interesting. I can't believe I posted my life story on that shit. There you go. Get a job at a music blog and just talk about your life and shit. Like anyone cares. Feel like ### did that. He'd write these stories about being a tragic, romantic hero. Pretty cringe, dude, which I appreciate. Authentic dude. If I piss him off, I think he'd tell me, well, yeah. He told me before that I'm thinking too much and I'm "cooler" than I think of myself. I mean, I didn't ask for that. Would be something I asked tho. Get a vibe check from people. That's probably obnoxious. Maybe not. ### does that asking if she's being annoying or something. And that itself is annoying. I mean, I should be more forgiving to that. That's something you do, too, and I'm sure people don't care to answer that shit. But when they do, I think they're honest. Am I honest? Dunno. I kinda trust other people over myself. Which is weird. It's like at the end of dates, I'm always like, yeah, I believe what they're saying, they'll call me back. And then nope. To be fair, I did the same goddamn thing...after the person questioned people that ghost, I think? I barely remember. Pretty easy for me to block that one out. I wonder why. I just knew like, it was a fucking no. Whether I got assaulted or not, I wasn't feeling that. No regrets. I mean, getting attacked sucked. But, otherwise, you did it, you went out, it wasn't great, and you moved on with your life without thinking about her ever again. I remember the two others way more. But even then, like, it's fine. There wasn't a true spark. I mean, the one in 2019. Frankly, I thought that went well. But I was depressed. And if she wasn't proposing a 2nd date, and found a dude, then like, clearly, it was over. Period. So, yeah. Chill out, dog. *21st Character Gimmick: Yo! I like rapping. So! Make a character that raps. Dunno race. But do it. "I drop bombs like an Iraqi fighter, goddamn girl, why you getting tighter!?" *Theme For Emma: Emma knows all the right phrases: Be yourself and all that. Very punk rock ethos. But she hates herself. Lost A Plot, B Plot, intro'd like, immediately. Also, characters talk about one or two things, get some turn from each interaction. Like, Jack isn't into the whole god thing. Actually, there's like, 3 plots, Sayid right now may be smaller, but all derive from the start w/fuselage issue + boars. And I think the two main plots -- Locke's past and burning the fuselage -- kinda deal w/moving on from the past. You also have Jack/Rose story, with the ancillary dealing w/the past parts w/Claire. Comes full circle when you realize Jack has a reason or haunting linked to why he feels iffy about it all. Someone that is actually shy. Or very goth and private and just wants to read her fucking books. Or, another fun character: someone like Nick from New Girl, like a complete degenerate that people can relate to. Probably smokes weed, forgets homework, reads magazines all day, someone that says funny shit about not cleaning his clothes and shit. Maybe Parvati? Rather it be a band member, though. Could be Cici, maybe Amir. Would be best as one of the girls. *Think opposites but also think Cartman v. Butters Alright, writing at half past one. Kinda tired. Meds do a number but think they're working? Like, I can focus, decently, not perfectly. But I finished a book in two days, and I'm chugging along through England history in preparation of reading a bunch of plays by Shakespeare. I don't think I'd be doing that a few months or even weeks ago. I'm sober. Which is kinda nuts. Been like, dunno, few months at this point. I kinda want to (9/30/21) wake up early and run. I'm back to freewriting longhand. Like, look...the binding. That's pretty fucking cool. And I'm focused on the screenwriting competitions, I'm proudly feeling completely done with Into the Reprise... barring truly atrocious contest results, which, hey, might fucking happen, so don't freak out. But yeah man. You're not trolling on Twitter all day watching clips from Lost...You're just actually watching Lost. But yeah, dude, you're 31 and you feel good. You're taking some good meds. And you're eating well. Not everything's perfect. I don't want to retread that shit since I am already wincing at the thoughts, but like...shit's been way, way, way worse, even in the best days of your 20s. You should feel good, man. You should feel motivated and just...not so goddamn anxious. I know that's, like, hard to grasp and fathom but it's the truth. I'm proud of how far you've come since last year. Just think. You were desperately trying to escape Forbes. You were scrambling to get Under 30 shit done. You were pounding 10 IPAs a night. Your clothes were literally soaked in piss, cum, and shit. Your body literally felt like you had crabs, and you were being stabbed in the pelvis. You thought everyone, including friends, hated you. And you hated you. Frankly, still do, but for this moment, celebrate you, bitch, 'cause you did pretty alright. Not perfect. But who fucking is, bro. 'kay. Gonna sleep. Suck me. WORDS: Protean; Facile; Provincial; Yeoman; Pewter; Bodice; Sartorial; Malmsey; Piratical; Canniness; Egalitarian; Ecclesiastical; Bridling; Epistles; Polemic; Obdurately; Indubitable; Inviolable; Infirmity; Firmament; Inviolability; Prostrate; Scion; Destruction of Black Civilization; Eddy; Plunder; Ennoble; Agitprop; Profligate; Furtive; Inchoate; Carceral; Majoritarian; Unalloyed; Charnel; Elan; Veranda; Countenance; Inveighing; Arrondissement; Abeyance; Boulangeries; Unrepentant; Rectitude; Beheld; Reliquaries; Laity; Polemical; Recalcitrant; Adroit; Imperious; Magniloquent; Itinerant; Cabalistic; Suffused; Recalcitrant; Parsimoniousness; Pilloried; Reprieved; Paviane *People talk shit on different people to Emma, like she's in two different camps. But that makes her super paranoid of what others might be saying 'bout her. Here's a good idea->Look back a few pages, see the little tidbits on Emma ->Do that for everyone! *Lost->Lotta time, will include solitary beat w/one that's gotten more focus, so it's not totally out of nowhere and random. *Lost->Use it!->Never have I ever scene! Gah, write for 15 minutes you stupid cocksucker. So, word. Congrats on the Q.Finalist jawn. Killing it. Maybe. I guess. And good job, like, reading and shit. And taking pills. All good shit. Honestly. Like yeah, you're still a fucking loser, but good job regardless. So, shit. What is life? Maybe get on dating apps, bud. Shit isn't hard. Restaurants require vax cards, you'll be fine. Anyway. Just, maybe also go to physical therapy. You dumb bastard. And do the taxes shit. Okay. Maybe also stop beating yourself up, dicklips. Man. Also, do this more often, it'll hurt less you dumb bastard. So, yeah. I don't know. High school, huh. You goddamn loser. What the fuck do you have the authority to say about high school? LMAO. Shithead. Fuck you. Shit. Okay. Maybe write something else for ten minutes. Like how you can see someone that likes you, is a waiting soul, and you can just deny the person 'cause you think, what? You're better than them? You think, "Oh, well, there's other people." And then you make no effort to go for those people. Amazing. Way to go. You really have everything figured out, huh? Realize at 31 that you should've, I don't know, started being a better person years ago. Grow a fucking backbone years ago. Self-improve. Literally not be a fucking pussy about fucking everything years ago you goddamn fucking loser. Eight minutes to go. Really getting better at being you, huh, Martie? This thing you learned to do in elementary school -- way to keep up with it. Not like this would've been useful fucking a DECADE ago -- you fucking, goddamned douchebag. Way to read a book. Give a fucking round of applause. And what's on your mind? Oh, this could go in a movie about your loser fucking life. Something that NO ONE GIVES A FUCK ABOUT AND NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR! Piece of shit. Waste of fucking space and time. "Oh, should I get on Facebook?" No one cares about your loser life. You're a fucking squib. Fucking four minutes. Great. Amazing. Really, really getting to know the real you. Fucking tired from scribbling in a fucking notebook. You unathletic, lazy piece of shit. Gonna end this here. Burn in fucking hell bitch boy. Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck You. WORDS II: Expurgations; Livereid; Proscenium; Pedagogy; Malefactors; Palliatives; Sluicing; Novae; Amarice; Austere; Witherliny; Dilatory; Credenza; Rindlets; Quotidian; Fecundity; Stanch; Concomitant; Polity; Dignitary; Approbation; Capagianess; Coxcomb; Individuation; Capacious; Protean; Enmity; Self-flagellation; Discursive; Orthography; Indecorous; Extant; Prefatory; Sacristy; Extant; Friary; Unctuous; Misprisions; Raillery; Volubility; Recalcitrant; Parsimonious; Scrabbling; Rakish; Louvres; Cherubic; Paunch; Conflagration; Acrid; Obstinacy; Ministrations; Fatuous; Lassitude; Toddling; Chambray; Concho; Pleasted; Rictus; Arroyos; Austere {Sidenotes: Read: Between World [x] Alchemist [x] Pelvis [x] Shakespeare [x] Armageddon [x] Dark Tower [x] Mark Twain [x] Blood Meridian [x] Ska [x] Detroit (Chuck K) Lakota [x] Boss Fight book Baldwin [x] Tom Sawyer [x] Huckleberry WWZ [x] Good Man Aesop Black Tom [x] Come As You Are What We Owe Reparations (Mag) Tanya French Fire Next Time [x] Player Piano [x] Jazz Half-Bird Jesus' Son} *Lost->Some episodes focus on the aftermath of a revelation -- i.e. Sun and her ring after finding the bottle of messages Character Jawn-> *Amir is constantly like, "That's so Tolstoy -- that's uber Tolstoy." Like, okay, we get it. Think Parasite. I think a band horror film could work. The early going, anxiety dreams catastrophize. Then real shit happens -- like think if ### stops being a friend. And "firing" Billy is maybe his death and a set-up to cover it up. Think American Psycho. Character Trait-> Gets idioms wrong. Ash Wednesday: You are dust, and to dust you shall return. WORDS III: Harridan; Homunculus; Cafe-au-lait; Conflagration; Parquet; Epaulettes; Hinsute; Martinent; Borne; Florid; Desultorily; Obsequious; Charatrouse; Formica; Lambent; Porcine; Tremulous; Din; Simulacrum; Astringent; Poleaxed; Eddied; Counterpane; Hardpan; Heddles; Declamatory; Atavistic; Motes; Craw; Logy; Limpid; Howken; Loden; Ochue; Palaver; Indolent; Mottled; Abstruse; Dilettante; Colonnade; Gibbet; Runnels; Deadfall; Jackstray; Smote; Inseminate; Ascetic; Eremite; Auger; Abnegate; Staves; Narthex; Rill; Carousel; Palaver; Tines; Thunderhead; Caissons; Atavistic; Galleons Learn Spanish: 1. Watch The Office in Spanish 2. Listen to Spanish music -- read lyrics 3. Set language preference to Spanish on phone 4. Read in Spanish -- anything (news, easy books) 5. Speak with Spanish speakers 6. Think in Spanish 7. Study and practice everyday -- even if just watching TV 8. Practice vocabulary -- really sit and memorize->One side of page, English, otherside, Spanish *Comprehensible Input: Read Spanish aloud daily WORDS IV: Palavering; Trustle; Stygian; Escarpment; Fecund; Oblate; Engirdlement; Spicules; Prosaic; Baubles; Stripling; Sheaf; Penitent; Ignoble; Scullery; Hewers; Bottomland; Diffident; Bight; Rookeries; Egrets; Diphtheria; Walleyed; Causeways; Parricide; Guy-ropes; Batboard Jakes; Shillelagh; Wainscotted; Hackamore; Anchorite; Groundsloth; Gourd; Tailorwise; Cottonwoods; Osnaburg; Carbolic; Portico; Bungstarter; Sacristy; Purlieu; Burrod; Awap; Swale; Halms; Wattled; Slank; Scantlin; Shied; Accountred; Tack; Sill; Arbor; Raillery; Sutter; Shirrey; Loomshafts; Mortices; Felloes; Duledge WORDS V: Pumice; Cordilleras; Panniers; Jornadas; Firmament; Hasping; Jacal; Purlieus; Bistre; Corrugated; Sotols; Prostrate; Chaff; Bivouacked; Fardier; Tinctures; Rebate; Kerfs; Traprock; Anticlines; Chines; Trapdykes; Bedight; Quena; Agoggle; Corbel; Untelbeams; Tenons; Terra damnata; Rind; Daubings; Tensured; Frieze; Talus; Hove; Scoria; Vadose; Seep; Reliquary; Stobs; Mesquite; Bunno; Bier; Vestibule; Ocotillo; Shale; Whinstone; Monocline; Spectra; Sorties; Lobes; Gibbering; Caesura; Carreta; Headstall; Bowstay; Rebozos; Amagre; Fusils; Carboy; Calabro; Wallow; Serapes; Gantlet; Offal; Porphyry; Entablatores; Vestments; Flensed; Alms; Sots; Haunches; Chary; Quirt; Guidon; Trundling; Corrida; Silkmullioned; Duffing; Hove; Compunction; Sirrah; Spendthrift; Sallied; Entreated; Sprat; Tut; Brayed; Deputation; Nettle; Trice; Disporting; Ordnance; Pritchel; Conical; Gangmolds; Adduced; Swale; Pyracantha; Bitrings; Artemisia; Cholla; Nopal; Azoteas; Hacidena; Fen; Benchland; Juniper; Idolatry; Querent; Bruited; Scurvid; Cur; Dolmens; Aubergines; Cressets; Larder; Jackdaw; Creosote; Huaraches; Vanoiemenlander; Surbated; Pinon; Scruboak; Mesa; Imbrium; Aguardiente; Circumscribed; Apishamore; Tallus slope; Anchorite; Sark; Discalled; Lyre; Bewailing; Gaily; Caparisoned; Playa; Cantle; Flyspecked; Quirted; Creosote; Frieze; Cirrus; Weft; Misweave; Serried; Buskins; Parfleche; Gastine; Awl; Malpais; Rimpled; Slaglands; Chancre; Atoll; Slalom; Coulees; Swale; Gobbet; Liboleros; Ignisfatoos; Retinue; Tatterdemalion; Chromo; Inimical; Cuartel; Cantonment; Declaiming; Vigas; Azotea; Ardoyo; Presidio; Freightdeck; Enhearsed; Scrag; Caballado; Dervishes; Dustpoots; Entrained; Duff; Enfilade; Jetsam; Acequias; Kivas; Tapadezo; Wheddle; Euchered; Meridian; Knappings; Egress; Spanceled; Gibbous; Legatees; Acacia; Lucent; Startpront; Down country; Rowels; Wikiup; Laggards; Fontanel; Remuda; Soda ash; Cauls; Inhang; Chaparral; Paloverde; Peltries; Phantasmagoria; Putrescent; Joinery; Cravat; Cartouche; Skiffle; Lugubrious; Topers; Elision; Cronellated; Chert; Rebuses; Argosy; Laggard; Shakos; Somnolent; Devonian; Ferric; Ragggtag; Ristras; Poggery; Pulque; Catafalque; Liborium; Conducta; Videttes; Dispensation; Surerain; Withy; Crieda; Spall; Chines; Scrog; Promentoried; Palmilla; Chaparral; Centroids; Convoked; Estuary; Defiles; Disquisition; "River trace"; Esker; Paloverde; Estancia; Lemniscate; Revetment; Balises; Wastrels; Dolorous; Garrote; Sojourn; Nacre; Chamferring; Balesome; Winey; Priapic; Abutments; Debarkees; Littonal; Stive; Alcalde; Farrier; Lazarous; Spume; Scapular; Akalde; Thrapple; Helve; Finals; Bracken; Salient; Selvage; Systole; Gusseted; Reconnoitre; Midden; Armatures; Attainder; Mansuete; Manciple; Equanimity; Emplane; Lavorted; Fistula; Burins; Carcel; Calcined; Bagnios; Tyrolean; Crinoline; Gaitered; Peignoirs; Votive; Twill; Ribald; Putrescent; Leonine; Coquette; Camions; Aloes; Exigencies; Antecendents; Gaiety; Stolio; Disapprobation; Vituperative; Patoris; Solicitousness; Laity; Lathes; Contretempts; Brocade; Wizened; Boutonniere; Eclat; Mancully; Serge; Obsequious; Carillons; Moored; Beatifically; Bureau; Enervated; Turpitude; Wheedling; Malfi; Contemptously; Soporific; Trivet; Breakfront; Chrysanthemum; Potenates; Filigree; Eves; Gracile; "That's the bunk"; "On the level"; Concomitant; Kittenish; Indefatigable; Mufti; Sententious; Compon; Cumulus; Libinal; Rostrum; Lazaretto; Greensward; Fetid; Spiraed; Peonies; Pillboxes; Concertina; Satiety; Recriminations; Marcelling; Hincty; Victrola; Chenille; Capon; Surfeit; Exigencies; Dudgeon; For and aft; Accede; Derringer; Hearth; Galvanized; Unguent; Hew; Bailiwick; Fantad; Impunity; Desesteam; Contrition; Delusory; Conciliate; Forbear; Nettled; Chemises; Keloid; Preened OCTOBER 31 12:57 A.M. 2024 be there, or be square (4/28/22) Hey dog, doing well. Know a bit of Espanol and killing it w/the first script you wrote. So, uh, do it again mah boi. Gonna read my notes right quick and get back to ya. Okay, you should freewrite ideas, but I think a smart step is writing every thematic idea you have and trying to take 2-3 and crafting a cohesive thesis. Then, I think write out structure concepts. 1. Your job doesn't define you, it's the people you connect with and the memories you create-> This feels supplemental 2. Life is pointless, but there's a spiritual link to be made with the people in your life-> Kinda too broad 3. Failure is an intrinsic part of life and shouldn't be shied away from-> Yes but not well-written 4. We can't improve as people alone, we need others to help us make and maintain those choices-> Is that what it's saying? 5. You don't know how others are struggling -- one of the key parts of growing up->I mean sure but that again feels basic 6. American Beauty->Ultimately there's beauty in imperfection-> I like that -- just, how are you building on that? 7. People come and go but leave behind artifacts-> That's a film already 8. The most important people in our lives may still be need excision from your life (the remedy to your life may still be poisonous)->Fucked up but true {Sidenotes: Yew->Can signal immortality -- or in T.S. Eliot's view, death ->Symbols: Chemo; yew tree; diabetes drug exenatide (gila monsters); caffeine; botox; T.S. Eliot; opium poppy plant; water I guess; alcohol dummy "What is a poison? It's a substance that interferes with normal physiological processes, that alters or stops them or makes things happen. That is essentially what medicines are too." ->Teach says something similar?} Okay, feel like that theme really works. However, might need mixing with others, like how failure is a good thing. Well [overarching is that poison can be a panacea, and the cure in question is being ready to take risks and be unafraid to fail.] The good side of that is Emma finding an outlet for her rage and a way to kill her insecurities. However, the bad part of that is the toxic masculinity she props up for her release. Isaac seems to have "figured" it out, you take on the world with daggers to protect oneself, but it's easy to turn those knives on the people closest to you. He needs to realize he's also a pawn of the patriarchy, no matter his words. Something like that. Not entirely there yet. But anyway, structure-wise, what we doing? 1. Emma (31) travels her old hometown and has memories of the band in inconsequential order. 2. Emma has a shit work week and navigates it with the lessons learned being in a band. 3. Emma goes through her life (say, going to AA, doing P.T., picking up meds, and shows she's "cured" herself, which she didn't before -- MEH) 4. Red herring that Isaac has died, but really just traveling to hometown to see Kellen's kids and play guitar for them. Been the first time in years cuz of COVID or something. No arc needed. {Sidenotes: *Does someone's parent refuse chemo because it's poison? And maybe going to their funeral?} 5. Straight-forward story, except for end -- and maybe the start -- and it's just the memories coming back for much of the middle. Experimental Idea: What 12 randomized scenes may look like? 1. Playing guitar alone in bedroom [x] 2. Practicing in a garage for first time [x] 3. Battle of the Bands circa 2006 [x] 4. Playing and meeting bands over summer [x] 5. Summer without a drummer [x] 6. Crush with Del and coffee haus [x] 7. Opening for BtMI in Philly [x] 8. Writing Jager and Isaac's s/o's reaction [x] 9. Emma freaks on her guitar -- new persona [x] 10. Battle of the Bands -> Triumphant [x] 11. Firing Billy after recording mishap [x] 12. Tour failure and fight; band ends [x] 13. Mom laid off and college/future problems [x] 14. Bad party that devolves into vomit [x] 15. Last show and playing the song [x] 16. Emma plays alone -- and it's terrible [x] Okay, I think there should be more. But why not try to link these ideas up with a modern scene -- doesn't have to be full or anything. *What if future scenes are from other perspectives, like Billy's. Or Kellen and Ceci talking 'bout it separately. Then the end, they experience the song together. {Sidenotes: Maybe that becomes an object of anger: Isaac wants more buy-in, but Emma just doesn't have the resources.} Okay, new exercise. Last one sucked...maybe. But literally, just re-read the reviews and mark down what's working and what isn't. Fuggin' easy. First Review: (G) 1. Characters show a unique look at 2000s life. (B) 2. Emma's motivations around things, such as wanting to fire Billy and her thoughts around college, are muddled and should include explanations and set-ups to better understand these motives. (G) 3. Plot flows logically from Point A to B, overall. (G) 4. Scene in which Emma attacks her instrument on stage really works cuz it's action showing emotion. -Possibly to build on that: Emma being called out for being "too emotional." (B) 5. Continuing on motivation issues->Things like Emma's crush can be built up better. Plus, you have these other bands, maybe show their importance to the band a bit more. *(B) 6. Plot severely lacks arc, stakes, and a satisfying conclusion. Big: What's the band's main objective -The "###" bassist doesn't add much -- problem that's introduced and then swiftly taken care of. (B) 7. Narrative could also include a stated theme, a central obstacle, or false peak or demise. -Set a central obstacle and stakes that each beat works off of. (G) 8. Generally, the dialogue fits the tone of the period. (B) 9. However, all the characters sort of talk the same -- adults are just as juvenile as the parents. (B) 10. Dialogue doesn't always logically flow. {Sidenotes: Possible Central Goal-> Emma wants to create something that influences a kid like Joe Strummer, BJA, & J. Rosenstock influenced her. -> What's the stakes? She'll die in obscurity? An ordinary life? Like parents? -> Hrm! Could include ####'s dad scene. Plus the ending with ###'s kids.} Second Review: (B) 11. General spelling and grammar issues. (G) 12. Unique perspective from a Latina protagonist. (B) 13. Many of the character elements are flailing alone in the wind -- such as living in her own world. (G) 14. Writing of the setting, music scenes, etc. are very effective; evocative descriptions. (B) 15. Should embrace themes of the music more -- of rebellion and being anti-capitalist. (B) 16. While there is a "change" in Emma -- as illustrated by the repetitious first days -- we don't get to see the steps of this progression. Ultimately, the emotional beats aren't there, and her problems with the band are fairly circular. *We should see more scenes such as Isaac making fun of Emma's guitar playing, leading her to be angrier. Like how these moments ripple (Em projecting her anger onto her mom, and redirecting attacks at her, such as being "crazy") Lie She Believes-> You must be a terrible, angry person to achieve a sort of "influential status" (B) 17. Not a whole lot of space given for resolution. (B) 18. Non-Emma characters require more depth. (G) 19. Conversations feel funny and very authentic, including the "penis" montage and Isaac/Emma fight. (B) 20. Some of these dialogue scenes drag too much. (B) 21. The quick transitions hurt the impact of scenes. 22. Generally, too much story for too few scenes -- just too much going on to follow all details. (B) 23. Emma should be a bigger driver of the story. {Sidenotes: ->And maybe -- w/college shit -- she argues w/her mom about the economic viability of just caring about "influencing" people -> Rips her when she calls it her job. (Linked w/the rebellion of the music.)} Third Review: (G) 24. Tone is very authentic to time period. (G) 25. Having casual conversations during a lockdown drill or the news stories in the background a clever way to set the time period. (G) 26. Relatable->College becoming unaffordable because of unemployment in 2008. (B) 27. Jumping ahead a decade steps over the journey, which is the actual interesting part. (B) 28. If mental health a major part, should be explored more in the past. *Perhaps through Parvati, which should be seen more anyways so their breakup is more impactful. Why is their friendship important? *More scenes illustrating why they care about each other -- Isaac + Emma + Car by BtS (B) 29. Would like to see the band members reach out and reconnect after Emma makes her change. The characters clearly care, even if Emma went off in a toxic direction. Neat Analysis: "In typical high school fashion, Emma seems to get mixed up with her feelings about her friends. This manifests in her acting as if she knows better or is more talented or important to the band than the other members." ->Do you agree, dummy? Another Reminder!! *Think Jianyu -- and everyone -- from Good Place when crafting character-driven dialogue. {Sidenotes: Toxic Traits: 1. Anger as preemptive strike 2. Controlling (toward end)-> Justified by pointing out Billy firing was right call 3. Not considering what others are going thru -- like her mom} MOTIVATION Emma 1. I want someone to tell me they're the reason they picked up a guitar. a. Get to that as saying straight up at start -- I think so -- or layer it? Like band has lofty aspirations, or wants it for their college resumes -- but Emma has a more pure-hearted reason why. 2. Emma truly wants to become Joe Strummer -- and her mom's insistence on education -- a salary -- is a pain in the ass from the get-go! Her parents didn't sacrifice to have her blow off education. a. Plays off how we're unfortunately at the mercy of the economy. i. And maybe like, she does get good grades but the layoffs that happen really muck shit up in '08. Also could have her start school in '06 to make this work better -- since looking for colleges junior year 1. Makes it more like, oh, I'm going to an average-ass school and I was told that college was fucking everything Isaac 1. Hm! He wants to be a mentor to Emma, but he himself has a lot of shit to work out. He's of the mind -- being very literate and worldly -- that he has the world figured out. But he don't. I guess, needs to admit he doesn't have it all figured out? Needs to take a step back and realize his worldview actually hurts people? 1. Emma (31) goes through her life -- morning commute in the city, working in an office, tense but focused environment, goes out after work with friends but has water (or works from home, goes for a walk, writes about a toxin cure) and gets home at the end and plays guitar alone. Throughout, maybe sees things that remind her of school -- say a football stadium. At the end, her older sister snaps her out -- it's 2006. 2. First day of school and it's pretty trash. Maybe this is where Emma has an existential freakout over the summer -- to call Del or not to call Del. Shows she has a crush on him and social anxiety. 3. Attends marching band practice where she fucks up and gets called out by Isaac. Picked up by her mom, who tells her it's important to do activities. 4. Emma chats with Parvati about Isaac -- she thinks he's kinda cute. They should reminisce about something from their past. Show why Parvati is important to her. Asks about her first game. 5. Friday night lights. Soon-to-be-band playing 'round in stands. Afterwards, chats with band teacher about improvements to be made. Waiting for her mom, she plays guitar, and is caught by Isaac who is pretty impressed. 6. Typical day at school, but at lunch, Isaac catches Emma and, after telling off the fuck bois, asks Emma about starting a band. 7. Emma listens to ska-punk mix. (Oh, Emma says why she loves Green Day, Clash -- wants to influence.) {Sidenotes: First Sequence: Prologue in a way hints that Emma will "fail" her goal, but the end will show she didn't in fact fail -- she made valuable connections thru music. ACT I: "Don't Wanna Be Ordinary" Shows that: 1. Emma has strained relationship w/Mom over her future 2. Isaac is acerbic and can taunt a bully down. 3. Emma has a tight relationship w/Parvati and a crush on Del, but school getting in the way of it. 4. Emma wants to create music for more than money -- wants to influence others. Other Shit-> 1. Poison as a remedy} 2. Is Isaac under the impression that being an asshole is the way to inspire people? (Ooh, inspire...) And his revelation is that, in being ready to pounce on PoS people, he's hurt the people closest to him, and he needs to recognize that being poisonous isn't always the best remedy. Is his want as deliberate as, I want to show Emma, and the world, how best to live their lives? Okay, that's two characters. I'm into that. Think on the Parvati x Isaac thing, but it may work. (Might hew too close to reality, which, eh, scary.) Soooo, the other characters, though. Just get the voices right I think, maybe keep what you had before? Maybe? Amir-> Pseudo intellectual bullshit, tries too hard to sound smart and quote stuff. "Have you guys ever heard of Aqualung?" Kellen-> Dorky dude obsessed with his girlfriend. Makes corny dad jokes and constantly quotes nerdy TV/games. Ceci-> Knows all the gossip going on at the school. Constantly dishing; once a dork. Billy-> Incredibly touchy, loves making sex jokes, but also super loyal. Dislikes Emma (interloper) Freddy-> General pervert ####-> Hippie; ####-> Stoner w/a forklift *AT END, WHEN BAND BREAKS UP->THEY REMINISCE ABOUT THE GOOD AND BAD TIMES 8. The group has its first band practice where the members are introduced. They start work on a song. It's noted that Emma may need to upgrade her amp. 9. Emma and her parents have a chat: if she takes this thing seriously, w/out letting grades fall, then they will consider getting her an amp. 10. Isaac and Emma hangout alone to chat, get where he's coming from, instill some lessons after sussing out her crush. 11. BotB, the band is a mess, end up 3rd. The crew hangs out behind a Wawa and decides to keep going. 12. Last day of school -> Del -> Coffee Haus 13. First shows in the summer, meeting bands 14. Parvati starts dating Isaac maybe -- talk about it during lockdown 15. Find out they're opening for BtMI. 16. Surprise party for Emma, she feels super grateful -- she has a home and family 17. Philly show is fucking terrible, and Isaac fires Freddy -- and Emma speaks w/BtMI for motivation. 18. Plays summer w/out drummer and it sucks. Other members feeling like, maybe it's not meant to be. Emma comes up w/riff, they work on it. 19. Welp, Isaac wrote about Parvati, which is weird. 20. BotB->They fucking win {Sidenotes: ACT II: "From Juvenile to Serious" OBJECTIVES: 1. Take shit seriously and acquire an amp. 2. Join the scene and get enough cache to open in Philly. 3. Make hard decisions to better the band -- i.e. fire the drummer 4. Emma gets further motivation from BtMI 5. After playing w/out a drummer -- and pressure 'round college -- the group really digs deep and wins a BotB mentioned early on. GOAL->To be taken seriously, become a real band. ->AH!! They need money for record -- the BotB win gets them a lot of cash!!} 20. Start of junior year, Emma's star has grown. However, Parvati is kinda upset about Isaac's new song, and Emma lies about knowing anything about it. Says she'll talk to Isaac. 21. Isaac and Emma argue but she's still a bit timid, not totally ready to fight him. 22. Drum auditions, get a new dude. 23. Mom gets laid off and college is looking dicey. 24. First recording sesh but Billy hasn't shown up. Delays them, hurts them financially, spiritually. 25. Have a coming-back-to-school show and Emma goes insane on her guitar. Shows rage. 26. At show, Billy is absent, and Emma lobbies the drummer. 27. Emma goes to record but the bass is out of fucking tune. So, she does the bass solo. 28. Have a show in Wilmington that pisses off Mom. Afterwards, Kellen says they were talking shit. 29. Emma gives an ultimatum -- him or me. Billy is then officially fired. 30. Shows are amazing. But Emma starting to act like Isaac. She's hurtful. Maybe writes hate song about the band as a "joke" 31. Isaac breaks up w/Parvati -- Emma and him fight over her being callous around the Billy thing. Decide to chill summer. 32. Idk, the same shit honestly. {Sidenotes: ACT III: OBJECTIVES: Emma sees that this band needs to succeed, as her future looks a little tense. So, she begins asserting control. *Throughout: Emma blows off Kellen to write songs. ACT IV: -Report card sucks -Emma growing mean -Isaac splits w/Parvati -Uh...ALBUM! Release early on this act -- part of montage} ACT V: 1. Basically, so close to being an every night band, but need to turbo charge shit. Emma feels insecure about her output. When Isaac and Emma get into another fight, the tour becomes like, oh, I'ma sabotage this. 2. She sucks playing solo. 3. Play the last show -- reminisce about the good times together. FINANCIAL CHECKLIST 1. Read wealth book [x] 2. Figure out n.worth [x] 3. Get Fidelity back set up [x] 4. Get a Vanguard Acct [x] 5. Pick an index fund [x] (VTSAX) 6. Invest at least $3,000 [x] 7. Reorder Chase card [x] 8. Activate Chase card 9. Parking tix (call) 10. Get access to all accounts [x] 11. Pay out Newfield 12. Switch payments to Cap1 [x] 13. Pay off credit card [x] 14. Figure out monthly expenses 15. Unsub to shit! 16. Figure out what to unsub 17. Look into Verizon $ ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ ABCDEFG ABE ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOP QRSTUVWXYZ Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz Lorem Ipsum dolor {Sidenotes: FOR THE ACTUAL FINAL CHAPTER->The convos you just had with friends, -Wed., 10/30/24, 11:53 p.m. Somewhere in the Between} WRITE ABOUT ##### My fuckin head hurts. Like across my right brow. Feels like a drill. I heard sleep deprivation increases your risk of Alzheimer's. Like your brain bulges inside the skull, I guess. I mean, so does genetics, alcohol abuse...and I would assume smoking weed and skipping meals. Well, what's the point of remembering when you can write shit down. Whatever the fuck enters your brain. I can't do this right now. There's a CGI goat on my screen. Palm Springs. The mother from How I Met Your Mother and that Star Trek episode of Black Mirror. Cristin Milotti? I probably spelled it wrong. She's from Cherry Hill!! The place you and ##### got hella lost around looking for Guitar Center. Fuck GPS. (I could not live without GPS -- the fucking Turnpike up here? Pulaski? Fuck that.) Shit, got there near closing, I tried out the tube amp, played some Chili Peppers, and APPARENTLY I was too loud. When I went with ### to buy the amp for all the money I saved working at the computer lab freshman year at Rowan. Got fired from that shit. Like, must've been close by. And then The Whit didn't pay...or it does now? Which cool! Either way, I don't care, honestly, lol. I don't know how to do this. Didn't I already do this? Gimme some time! {Sidenotes: GO TO A CAFE GET OUT JUST FREEWRITE LIKE IN 2015 2014 GOLDEN AUTUMNS AND SPRINGS MAN bbl} ******************************************************************************* (4/30/25 7:30 a.m.) EDITOR'S NOTE: The following is a transcript of a video edited by Martie "Murds" Mood. Title: Why You're a Scumbag in The Stanley Parable -- strummerdood Description: Free Palestine -- Palestine: A Four Thousand Year History (2018), a history book by Nur Masalha Visibility: Public Restrictions: - Date: Feb 24, 2014 Views: 16,111 Comments: 19 Like (vs. dislike): 606 (97.3%) BOARD: Shockingly, I will be spoiling this game. Do what you will with that information. Hey, I'm strummerdood or Matt or whatever, I don't know. So, back when The Stanley Parable was first released as a mod for Half-Life 2, its developer Davey Wreden said he was just posing a question to the industry with his little game. So, here's my attempt at a response that doesn't end with "The Stanley Parable is just nihilistic garbage." I will, however, start by saying that, "You're a scumbag." Yeah you. You behind the computer. (Matt points to the viewer, who is Matt in the future, confused by the insults.) Yeah. Dude, you suck. Dude you are such a douchebag. See, amidst the different choices afforded to the gamer and the evolving commentary on player agency, you have this relationship between the Narrator and the Player; not Stanley, but the person behind his controls. It may seem like a throwaway gag, but on a number of occasions the Narrator talks directly to the player, recognizing that Stanley doesn't have power over his actions without you. I mean, it makes sense: Stanley would gladly obey the Narrator; it's his job after all. But instead of obeying the voice in his head, he has a third-party in possession of his body. NARRATOR: How had I not noticed it sooner. You're not Stanley. You're a real person. In essence, you have the same job as Stanley before his office space was mysteriously abandoned: a voice tells you what buttons to push and you're meant to follow his instructions. The Narrator and the Player are coworkers who communicate through Stanley. You can be an ideal employee and follow his every word, or you can deviate from the predetermined path and test the limits of this relationship. And therein lies the sinister irony of The Stanley Parable: conflict resolution between the Narrator and the Player involves tormenting Stanley physically, emotionally, and psychologically. When I wanted to prove to the incessant Narrator that I had a choice in this game, I walked off a high ledge to my death. But what I really did was kill an innocent man to spite my pseudo co-worker. I'm a douchebag. It cleverly plays on the game's genre and what has become a video game cliche the past few years. Though first-person perspective has long been used to further immerse the gamer into the role of the protagonist, The Stanley Parable's use of this POV instead calls out the selfishness of this act. BOARD: "What if Stanley is his own person? What if it's not about you role-playing Stanley, seeing yourself as him, getting talked to by the narrator, but that's all just what you need from games, what you're bringing to the table?" -Davey Wreden NARRATOR: Didn't I impress upon you how important it was to be like Stanley. He actually knows how to do what I tell him to. He understands that if I say to do something, there's a damn good reason for it! Hence the gamer is just as much a hindrance to Stanley as his catty, abusive overseer -- if not more so. At the very least the Narrator wants to safely guide Stanley to the end of the story, but if you thoughtlessly disobey his wishes out of your own curiosity, you're not experimenting with your life, you're gambling with Stanley's -- you prick. The viewpoint makes the Narrator quite sympathetic as the world's creator; you know, the world that you can just completely destroy. NARRATOR: My entire game is destroyed. It was the only thing in the world that was mine and you've run it into the ground. What, did you think that would be funny? You just had to see? Sans for one completely brutal decision, the Narrator offers second-chances after the Player has disobeyed his instructions. NARRATOR: But eager to get back to business, Stanley took the first open door on his left. Hell, one story even involves the Player and Narrator working together to track down the story the gamer derailed with his or her actions. Interestingly enough, the game presents these two as equals. When the Player loses control of Stanley, they see just how important they are to the Narrator. NARRATOR: The story needs you, it needs you to make a decision. It cannot exist without you, do you understand me? Whatever choice you make is just fine, they're both correct, you cannot be wrong here, we can work together, I'll accept whatever you do. I simply need you to take that step forward. Please? Choose? The relationship between the Narrator and Stanley draws obvious parallels to the bond between designer and player. The gamer and the developer have a symbiotic connection; they can hate each other but neither can exist without the other. BOARD: Yin and Yang: In Chinese philosophy, used to describe how seemingly opposite or contrary forces are interconnected and interdependent in the natural world; and how they give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another. WOMEN NARRATOR: Can you see? Can you see how much they need one another? But again, the character that really suffers when this relationship falters is Stanley, and at the end of the day, if the Player has Stanley's best interest in mind, they'll stop being such a bitch and work together with the Narrator to complete the story. BOARD: "There's people who definitely argue against authorship like, 'I'm a game player, why should I do what the designer wants me to do,' and I think that's totally valid...I think if you're going to say, 'No, I'm making a game where actually what the designer designed for you is actually worth it'...I think that just takes a lot of commitment." -Tim Schafer Or in other words, if the gamer wants to see the end of their character's journey, they'll learn to let go and trust that the developer knows what they're doing. NARRATOR: For it was not knowledge or even power that he had been seeking, but happiness. Perhaps his goal had not been to understand but to let go. When completing the correct path, you as the Player lose control of Stanley. I'd like to think that this signifies Stanley taking back the reins of his life and actually feeling the bliss of freedom...You know, right before everything gets reset again because the Narrator and you have to keep experimenting on what it means to make a choice in a game by torturing an otherwise helpless person. You two sick bastards are perfect for each other. (sigh) The Stanley Parable is just nihilistic garbage.