._ , , . *|, * _ _ -+--+- _. _|* _ || | (_](_) | | (_] (_]|(/, * ._| , , ._ . . . . . _ . . _ _ -+--+- _. |,. . _.;_/*._ _ |*. , _ _| _ _ _| \_|(_)(_| (_](_) | | (_] | (_|(_.| \|[ )(_] || \/ (/, (_](_)(_)(_] ._| ._| ._| A N O V E L B Y M A R T I E " M U R D S " M O O D ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Chapter 6 * 9 ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: (4/29/22) American Beauty (1999) (5/1/22) Soul (2020) (5/2/22) Delicatessen (1991) (5/3/22) Audition (Odishon) (1999) (5/3/22 12:41 p.m.) FADE IN: (5/5/22) Dead Ringers (1988) (5/6/22) The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (Le Scaphandre et le Papillon) (2007) (5/7/22) Sweet Sweetback's Baadasssss Song (1971) (5/8/22) The Double Life of Veronique (La Double Vie de Veronique) (1991) (5/9/22) Pi (1998) (5/10/22) The Vanishing (Spoorloos) (1988) (5/12/22) City of God (Cidade de Deus) (2002) (5/13/22) Broadcast News (1987) (5/14/22) Poltergeist (1982) (5/15/22) Romper Stomper (1992) (5/20/22) Gimme Shelter (1970) (5/23/22) An American Werewolf in London (1981) (5/24/22) Wild Strawberries (Smultronstallet) (1957) (5/26/22) The Untouchables (1987) (5/27/22) A Clockwork Orange (1971) (5/28/22) Full Metal Jacket (1987) Sex, Lies, and Videotape (1989) (5/29/22) Spirited Away (Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi) (2001) The Exorcist (1973) (6/3/22) Gallipoli (1981) Goldfinger (1964) (6/4/22) Deep End (1970) The Conversation (1974) Hour of the Wolf (Vargtimmen) (1968) A Hard Day's Night (1964) (6/5/22) Paths of Glory (1957) The Killing of a Chinese Bookie (1976) Peeping Tom (1960) The Thin Red Line (1998) Trust (1990) (6/6/22) The Official Story (La Historia Oficial) (1985) The Color of Pomegranates (Sayat Nova) (1968) (6/7/22) Goodbye Children (Au Revoir les Enfants) (1987) The Jungle Book (1967) Annie Hall (1977) (6/8/22) Earth Entranced (Terra em Transe) (1967) Cat People (1942) (6/11/22) In the Mood for Love (Dut Yeung Nin Wa) (2000) (6/18/22) Heavenly Creatures (1994) (6/21/22) King of New York (1990) Bridesmaids (2011) (6/22/22) The Big Chill (1983) (6/23/22) Salo, or the 120 Days of Sodom (Salo o le Centoventi Giornate di Sodoma) (1975) (6/25/22) Atonement (2007) Akira (1988) (6/26/22) Boyz 'N the Hood (1991) Life of Brian (1979) (6/27/22) Being John Malkovich (1999) Ghostbusters (1984) (6/28/22) Brazil (1985) (6/29/22) Happiness (1998) Natural Born Killers (1994) (7/1/22) Volver (2006) (7/3/22) Lincoln (2012) Top Gun (1986) (7/5/22) Crazy Rich Asians (2018) (7/9/22) Eyes Wide Shut (1999) (7/10/22) Breathless (A Bout de Souffle) (1960) (7/11/22) The Natural (1984) (7/13/22) 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) (7/14/22) Tetsuo (1989) (7/16/22) Boyhood (2014) The Deer Hunter (1978) (7/26/22) Destry Rides Again (1939) (7/27/22) Platoon (1986) (7/28/22) Jaws (1975) (9/13/22) The Bitter Tears of Petra Von Kant (Die Bitteren Tranen der Petra Von Kant) (1972) (9/24/22) Phantom Thread (2017) (9/27/22) Freaks (1932) (9/28/22) Meshes of the Afternoon (1943) An Andalusian Dog (Un Chien Andalou) (1928) The Black Cat (1934) Zero for Conduct (Zero de Conduite) (1933) The Battle of San Pietro (1945) Dracula (1958) (9/29/22) Detour (1945) (9/30/22) The Battleship Potemkin (Bronenosets Potyomkin) (1925) (10/1/22) Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956) The Wolf Man (1941) (10/9/22) Tenet (2020) (10/14/22) Gravity (2013) (10/15/22) Touch of Evil (1958) (10/16/22) Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (1965) (10/17/22) The Exiles (1961) Nosferatu: Phantom of the Night (Nosferatu: Phantom der Nacht) (1979) Dumbo (1941) (10/18/22) High School (1968) (10/19/22) Manhunter (1986) (10/21/22) Roger & Me (1989) (10/31/22) A Chinese Ghost Story (Sinnui Yauman) (1987) (11/1/22) She's Gotta Have It (1986) (11/2/22) Apocalypse Now (1979) (11/3/22) Vagabond (Sans Toit ni Loi) (1985) (11/4/22) Wake in Fright (1971) (11/6/22) The Wrong Man (1956) (11/15/22) Rebel Without a Cause (1955) (11/20/22) The French Connection (1971) (11/22/22) The Killing Fields (1984) (12/9/22) Ariel (1988) (2023) A People's History of the U.S. (1980) Goliath (2019) Destiny Disrupted (2009) Capitalist Realism (2009) Open Veins of Latin America (1971) (3/7/23 4:07 a.m.) "The zombie is made to eat without salt: salt is dangerous, it could awaken him." -Eduardo Galeano, Open Veins of Latin America (1971) (2023) Too Big to Fail (2009) Socialism: A Very Short Introduction (2021) The Autobiography of Malcolm X (1965) Capital, Vol. 1 (1965) Understanding Power (2002) The Number Ones (2022) The Age of Reason (1794) One Hundred Years of Solitude (1967) The Death of Artemio Cruz (1962) American Kingpin (2017) Fantasy Fiction Formula (2016) Never Let Me Go (2005) The Color Purple (1982) Man's Search for Meaning (1946) The Things They Carried (1990) Wuthering Heights (1847) Brave New World (1932) Where the Sidewalk Ends (1974) The Fellowship of the Ring (1954) The Shining (1977) And Then There Were None (1939) A Brief History of Time (1988) The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao (2007) Hamlet (1623) A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius (2000) The Stranger (1942) Interpreter of Maladies (1999) A Visit from the Goon Squad (2010) Rubyfruit Jungle (1973) Pride and Prejudice (1813) Fahrenheit 451 (1953) The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat (1985) The Kite Runner (2003) The Sun Also Rises (1926) Lolita (1955) Silent Spring (1962) Atonement (2001) Go Tell It on the Mountain (1993) A Long Way Gone (2007) Little Women (1868) In Cold Blood (1965) The Right Stuff (1979) The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (1950) Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret (1970) The War of the Worlds (1898) The Picture of Dorian Gray (1890) The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (1979) Catch-22 (1961) I Am Legend (1954) All the President's Men (1974) Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1971) Maus -- Part 1 (1991) The Power Broker (1974) The Diary of a Young Girl (1947) Me Talk Pretty One Day (2000) On the Road (1957) Invisible Man (1952) The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks (2010) The Color of Water (1995) Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (1865) & Through the Looking-Glass (1871) Valley of the Dolls (1966) The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay (2000) The Age of Innocence (1920) Homegoing (2016) The Devil in the White City (2003) A Wrinkle in Time (1962) Dune (1965) The Fault in Our Stars (2012) Great Expectations (1861) Moneyball (2003) Team of Rivals (2005) The Omnivore's Dilemma (2006) Middlesex (2002) Anna Karenina (1878) The Book Thief (2005) East of Eden (1952) The Golden Compass (1995) The Night Watchmen (2020) Midnight's Children (1981) The Looming Tower (2006) Their Eyes Were Watching God (1937) Unbroken (2010) The Liars' Club (1995) The World According to Garp (1978) Out of Africa (1937) Angela's Ashes (1996) The Corrections (2001) White Teeth (2000) Daring Greatly (2012) Of Human Bondage (1915) Persepolis (2003) The Grapes of Wrath (1939) They Were Her Property (2019) Of Mice and Men (1937) Beloved (1987) The Last Wish (1993) Dracula (1897) Lies My Teacher Told Me (1995) The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle (1994) The Art of War (5th century BC) Portnoy's Complaint (1969) The Baseball 100 (2021) The 100 Years' War on Palestine (2020) My Promised Land (2013) (2023-10-17 13:00:02) to Martie "Murds" Mood Maybe early on, Emma's dad has a panic attack and the doctors advice is to quit and Emma is like. Oh shit. Maybe mom rolls eyes or is just peeved bout something else (2023-10-17 13:00:18) to Martie "Murds" Mood Doesn't like shit to be real, likes creating a fantasy maybe (2023-10-18 20:55:43) to Martie "Murds" Mood Feeling of panicking cause no one else is panicking, or maybe that changes (2023-10-18 20:56:27) to Martie "Murds" Mood Feeling of following someone different than older sister and it's like, scary to think things are suddenly out of control cause you followed the wrong person with too much ego (2023-10-19 03:27:06) to Martie "Murds" Mood Talks to herself -- like her dad, who it disturbs her or pisses her off -- and it's like, not crazy, but maybe she thinks it is. And it's like, her being interviewed or just answering a question and basically practicing being human (2023-10-30 20:49:19) to Martie "Murds" Mood In Moby Dick the character Ishmael talks about a camel on board and related to George Washington who possibly is a cannibal (2023-10-30 20:53:24) to Martie "Murds" Mood Historically, white people have tried to make black ppl effeminate; it's the female of the races according to them lol dumb crackers (2023-11-01 04:44:51) to Martie "Murds" Mood Band theme: when you have something special, embrace it for as long as it lasts ...cause the world ain't gonna allow it to last (2023-11-03 06:12:23) to Martie "Murds" Mood Hotel California, comes on as hungover Emma wakes up seeing dead bodies walking around. Maybe we mostly saw that through isaacs eyes. Or he even asks like, tell me if I'm crazy but I see dead people kinda thing. And you're like, ok wtf? And then at the end Emma sees everything and just lives in it (2023-11-03 06:31:41) to Martie "Murds" Mood Maybe crawls under the bed to escape to a black nothingness (2023-11-03 06:32:25) to Martie "Murds" Mood Maybe she imagines going through a cornfield and happens upon the show and she watches Emma as the world burns (2023-11-03 06:32:39) to Martie "Murds" Mood Hotel California rios honestly (2023-11-03 06:32:47) to Martie "Murds" Mood Rips (2023-11-05 18:47:23) to Martie "Murds" Mood S: X A: VI ; VII (og) ; IX ; XIV (mmo) B: I ; III ; XII ; XVI C: VIII ; XIII ; XV D: II Haven't played: IV ; V ; XI (mmo) (2023-11-05 18:51:20) to Martie "Murds" Mood 7R: B (2023-11-10 08:35:41) to Martie "Murds" Mood Emma always thinking about guitar string snappping and hitting her eye like that one movie (2023-11-11 07:28:48) to Martie "Murds" Mood Yo I just passed out at the bagel place -- it was 630, cold out, I hadn't slept, had drank a bunch of caffeine, legs killing me from five hour march -- and my eye balls felt like they were pulsating in my skull, went outside, sat down, DONE. And then I felt like I was sleeping and even asked myself AM I DEAD, like calmly lol (2023-11-11 07:37:35) to Martie "Murds" Mood Was thinking about being drunk there in the morning, was trying to breathe. Door was open which helped but then dude closed it (2023-11-13 00:43:32) to Martie "Murds" Mood People of Africa believed Europeans were from the land of the dead cause they'd take people and disappear into the sea. Vombi or Vundi or something like that (2023-11-15 01:54:43) to Martie "Murds" Mood He talks about the Middle East and the orientalist Jews like a confederate talks about their human property. And also he says like, oh Israel saved these Jews from the backwardness of the Middle East, as if Israel isn't the fucking reason for the mess lol like come on dude (2023-11-15 02:06:36) to Martie "Murds" Mood The 2000s chapter pisses me off so much. He talks about how mtv and ecstasy and being in the actual real world is so neat and Israel wants to be a part of it and it's like, truly go fuck your self (2023-11-15 03:54:08) to Martie "Murds" Mood The concept of independence in regards to Israel is kind of laughable because who are you even independent from you're not a colony you are the colonizers so what the fuck are you fighting a war of independence for you mother fucker anyway (2023-11-15 04:04:25) to Martie "Murds" Mood Do you know the feeling you get when you're watching a drug can you pin movie like scar face and you're just like his rising rising but this always goes the same he will eventually fall to his demise that's what this entire book sounds like where it's a false dream to the people inside but outside it's a nightmare and it just needs to end here now and that's like emotionally conflicting but at the same time it's like what needs to happen you don't want to say you know what I'm saying (2023-11-15 04:06:45) to Martie "Murds" Mood A nice slogan for this state or whatever is that it's a nice place to live if you ignore all the bodies (2023-11-15 04:37:11) to Martie "Murds" Mood The way they have national identity is often to belittle Jewish immigrants like Albert Einstein as if just moving to the US to survive was an awful thing and they should've become scientists like what the fuck (2023-11-15 04:54:57) to Martie "Murds" Mood OMG they're saying they had economic growth during turmoil cause they cut government spending...BECAUSE THE US PAYS FOR EVERYTHING (2023-11-15 06:23:51) to Martie "Murds" Mood A lot of the problem is that he talks about being inherent is real or some thing I was just kind of like the cage generational things that happened in European culture is because you know it's real it's just a European colony so it's problems are basically like a weird version of the problems that does European countries are experiencing so I don't know he's talking like their technology hub is like anything special one it's literally just Silicon Valley like what the fuck and I can see why there a link between the higher education of fucking Ivy League places and Zionism you know I'm saying so it's fucking stupid whatever (2023-11-15 06:26:58) to Martie "Murds" Mood Him talking about Iran getting a nuke is so hypocritical (2023-11-15 06:29:56) to Martie "Murds" Mood He talks from an elites, white euro supremacy viewpoint (2023-11-15 06:44:24) to Martie "Murds" Mood Yeah they're talking about Benjamin Netanyahu and him wanting to do a preemptive strike against Iran and start another nuclear war over nuclear weapons as if they're not the ones wanting to do the first strike like what the fuck they're so full of shit holy fuck (2023-11-15 06:48:28) to Martie "Murds" Mood He talks like Israel doesn't have the iron dome (2023-11-15 06:58:57) to Martie "Murds" Mood Family visits England cause their roots are there.....just gonna let that sink in (2023-11-15 07:24:19) to Martie "Murds" Mood He talks about Israel's achievements purely in an economic lense -- ie these dirty Arabs weren't exploring the land enough. (2023-11-15 08:16:31) to Martie "Murds" Mood He's still talking like Arabs don't have an identity. He's so full of shit and racist right now (2023-11-15 08:18:26) to Martie "Murds" Mood He also calls Palestinians extremists for being pissed that their land was taken, and they imply that pragmatic voices are being in auger aside, and that'd just both a double standard and a fucking lie (2023-11-15 08:45:38) to Martie "Murds" Mood https://www.instagram.com/reel/CzmVDAkRTnj/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== (2023-11-15 08:48:25) to Martie "Murds" Mood Went transphobic at the end too (2023-11-15 08:53:10) to Martie "Murds" Mood He also accuses these Arab countries of being unstable and corrupt -- as if Israel isn't a morally evil institution (2023-11-15 09:04:21) to Martie "Murds" Mood He's gone full propaganda at the end. They answered terror with building??? What, your illegal settlements? By bombing your neighbors kids? Fuck off (2023-11-15 09:08:21) to Martie "Murds" Mood This motherfucker said Israel uniquely loves children and that's part of their culture which is obviously complete fucking bullshit and it's so fucking disingenuous for him to imply that the only solution for Israel errands is to suck my dick with Israel instead of you know trying to better peoples conditions not through this fucking evil cold government bullshit and I'm saying fuck them (2023-11-16 02:30:49) to Martie "Murds" Mood All the women are white, the men are black and something brave (2023-11-16 03:10:34) to Martie "Murds" Mood Eh Dubois black reconstruction (2023-11-16 03:32:09) to Martie "Murds" Mood My grandmother -- Armenian (2023-11-17 16:46:18) to Martie "Murds" Mood Shit games were trying to tell you: this war of mine; mgs5; meh (2023-11-18 00:35:52) to Martie "Murds" Mood Make a list of boooks to have -- order (2023-11-20 06:23:14) to Martie "Murds" Mood MYbe a single scene in isaacs pov and its just a grey world (2023-11-30 13:18:59) to Martie "Murds" Mood Screenshot 2023-11-30 at 1.18.49 PM.png (Image) (2023-12-18 12:11:49) to Martie "Murds" Mood There's fucking evil eugenicist dude from the 30s called Rhodes in Puerto Rico that used to deliberately give cancer to Puerto Rican patients because he wanted to exterminate the entire race for the Bangla Saxon people so yeah he can go fuck himself (2023-12-18 23:35:38) to Martie "Murds" Mood There's this propagandist in Puerto Rico name the one and that's worth checking out because she's using film to influence people and I could fit you know (2023-12-22 03:57:57) to Martie "Murds" Mood La operacion-- forced sterilization (2023-12-24 01:08:36) to Martie "Murds" Mood Look up Monk go the second of the Incas since they sound dope (2023-12-30 03:34:14) to Martie "Murds" Mood DESCRIBE THE HOURS OF YOUR 11 or 12 or whatever it was weekend LIKE 72 hours IS BEAUTIFUL AND CONFORTING AND THEN THINK: why did you cherish the hours...cause 9 pm Sunday, you go back to prison and count the hours (2023-12-30 03:38:08) to Martie "Murds" Mood Empty game server or chat room being 0/13 allllll night, and you keep checking knowing it won't change (2024-01-01 22:07:49) to Martie "Murds" Mood In this book they talk about how the slave master used to say they need to season the slave to have them behave better kind of like how you season a pan or dish or something which is some nutty shit and I don't know might be worthwhile to start peppering the novel would like these kind of fucked up parallels to food and ends that's how people talk they're always hungry so they're hot they're food obsessed I guess (2024-01-01 22:28:54) to Martie "Murds" Mood So much of Christianity is eating a person (2024-01-01 22:41:41) to Martie "Murds" Mood Maybe alt title would be - Consumption (2024-01-08 17:49:32) to Martie "Murds" Mood And the thing about the band, it starts with purest intentions, but then it becomes like a business, and it crumbles. What mattered was just being there in the lonely and making others happy (2024-01-08 18:04:10) to Martie "Murds" Mood Maybe they talk about what they'd do if they only had a day left, or talk about living life as is it'll be your last, and Emma spends it listening to music and playing guitar, an old favorite like strummer (2024-01-09 11:03:40) to Martie "Murds" Mood Isaac writes a song like, let's be ironic and drag a billionaire behind the car (2024-01-13 21:29:42) to Martie "Murds" Mood Thrash unreal (2024-02-14 23:05:23) to Martie "Murds" Mood Life can feel like a facsimile as it's happening, like a cheap ripoff. But those moments are real. The feeling of real is scary. But anyway, #### was the reason I could appreciate anything, or feel like life wasn't just a carbon copy. Like my near death experiences. It was only after meeting him and mining my life for "drama" or something that I appreciated how goddamn harrowing that was, or what that meant in a life lived. Like it's a moment. You're creating moments at all presents. (2024-02-26 03:52:03) to Martie "Murds" Mood Nostalgia requires the brain to erase all the bits that made it real; human. Then narrate from the perspective of martie telling the story of Emma, who almost drowned as a little girl. (2024-04-03 19:45:43) to Martie "Murds" Mood Unreality if the present. People litigate the past ad nauseam and assume he future is fine, and if you point out that shit is bad right now, you're good to get off the internet. People don't want to exist in the reality of now and it's infuriating. Daydreaming (2024-04-24 05:51:03) to Martie "Murds" Mood Main character of band story shakes like you and has people ask them why they do it and tell them they need to stop. And basically, character flaw (2024-04-27 11:50:56) to Martie "Murds" Mood 21st. Emma -- who starts off making fun of ska needs it to work performatively -- lives in an infantile fantasy world where people aren't going to graduate and move on unless the band really demands more -- and that's where Emma lies to herself and says it'll be taken seriously when putting shit on the line for that lifestyle takes balls and breaking away from family and societal norms that emma can't ultimately leave. (2024-05-07 00:27:06) to Martie "Murds" Mood Email congress fucks (2024-05-15 22:02:21) to Martie "Murds" Mood Cool teacher who calls out a student on the Iraq war has a moment crying while listening to choir sing...some song idk, and yeah, they're real af (2024-05-25 02:25:02) to Martie "Murds" Mood https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTLtAtT9B/ (2024-06-02 04:59:19) to Martie "Murds" Mood What is Emma as a highschooler has these real intense conversations where she comes off as like incredibly brilliant and intellectual and worldly yet the reality is that she kinda just shut up and let things passerby and we later found out that is a huge diatribes that are well reason but I am a little and (hinge) are coming from a drunk or high or whatever Emma in the future in her apartment just talking to herself as a means of passing the time and trying to one up the past (2024-06-03 07:52:42) to Martie "Murds" Mood Otpor: as little pockets of resistance come out, it was said that, "it's spreading." Could be a cool way of fleshing out the backstory -- and use this as a way to show gradual propulsive movements (2024-06-03 07:58:39) to Martie "Murds" Mood Fed on the repression from the regime -- people seeing the state abuse protestors activates people (2024-07-16 04:04:40) to Martie "Murds" Mood Intro to book: spend night writing down events of her life to Ruth into a book -- 100 to be exact -- but while enjoys the exercise, isn't thrilled to put any of it to paper -- it's like telitugsting the past. Goes outside and slips on ice and dies (2024-07-16 19:17:10) to Martie "Murds" Mood Idea of pretending to know about something real like Iraq and just copying what the tv is saying and then getting owned by #### and not being able to respond while he's like, what do you think of that, huh, shut up lol (2024-07-30 01:23:46) to Martie "Murds" Mood Write a book based on how you made a playlist: each story/chapter is designed for someone specific (2024-08-06 01:37:07) to Martie "Murds" Mood Seeing shadows on the ceiling and conjuring shapes and faces Night in your bedroom -- esp as a kid -- is it's own little ecosystem. Something to think about That's crazy lol (2024-08-11 21:07:18) to Martie "Murds" Mood 4th, left (2024-08-19 05:13:41) to Martie "Murds" Mood A sort of shit editor I once had said every story is an excuse for one new fact to offer the world; the rest is inconsequential, therefore. I think that's pretty reductive, but old heads thought blaming the 1% for all our troubles was too reductive as well -- and what the fuck do they know, right? So fuck it, let's just get through the first 99% of this story before I offer a thought, or whatever. I don't know. Fuck you. (I'm sorry, I get anxious.) Come on, let's go. (2024-08-20 02:28:27) to Martie "Murds" Mood What's life like? You ever see the movie speed? Maybe funny interaction between student and teacher (2024-08-20 02:49:09) to Martie "Murds" Mood Don't all have to agree to push in the same direction (2024-08-20 02:51:28) to Martie "Murds" Mood Melancholy feeling: thinking about what your friends are doing at 9p on a school night (2024-08-20 05:54:10) to Martie "Murds" Mood ##### character the type of dude to burn ants with a pair of glasses; or rather his own skin (gets scar and yeah idk sleep (2024-08-21 01:29:09) to Martie "Murds" Mood Scene starts, and there's someone doing music analysis like they're Tarantino, and the other person is like, you're right, that does sound like a Tarantino whatever whatever, and then Isaac and Emma come in and have a pretentious convo about music (2024-08-23 05:56:32) to Martie "Murds" Mood Everything you care about matters and you're gonna die miserable no matter what. Or everything matters and life is a tragedy. Yeah. That's basically my outlook. Yikes. But whatever, I really mean that life is worth fighting and you will constantly be disappointed in people. Which makes sense. You're there to help each other through it. Fuck. That's dark. Goddammit, lol. That's funny. See? Just write stuff like that. Make yourself laugh. And be cynical. Or whatever. Who cares? Things matter but not that. Damn. That hit, bro. Fuck. Okay. Weekend. It's a long one. Just do this more. Cause I can't with this shit anymore dude. It sucks. Lol, shit dude. Alright. Still here bb (2024-08-31 08:54:47) to Martie "Murds" Mood I tried to take my wrist I tried to take my rest (2024-09-02 10:39:10) to Martie "Murds" Mood Maybe when she dies suddenly, after this story that seems to be about the point less of things, she sees heretofore never seen moments of her life, both wonderful, terrible, and musical, and then the last scene is of Emma being in the ocean as a kid, feeling like she's gonna drown, and saying it's been an good life. And that plays off a story told earlier by Emma to Isaac. (2024-09-02 10:46:52) to Martie "Murds" Mood Maybe there's an aspect of "rebirth" -- idea of shedding your skin after certain growth, and the ending could be metaphorical or literally a death. Like it competes a phase of her life. Could be a sign of sobriety or whatever, I don't know -- the thing is that it's not clear and a simple bow on the theme, it's complex and not brow beating morality (2024-09-02 10:50:02) to Martie "Murds" Mood Maybe it's a hazy kinda writing, very languid and I guess, Faulkner or Morrison where there's a slip that's mentioned but not much else, then a recounting of these "memories" suddenly -- could be related to a slip or fuck up and the people around her being cool, or her being there for people, or just visceral moments period -- and then a mention that the back of her head snaps off the stairs, and it's a sopranos moment of it going quiet and black and gone. Could be the move. Idk. (2024-09-02 11:14:35) to Martie "Murds" Mood Thinking about how you exist on documents like a yearbook: testimony for union, photographs with friends despite hating to take them (could be a joke), written articles on events of 2020 and video games or whatever, and in songs that exist online, journal entries too, how you exist in final fantasy. Idk, all cool things that would add an air of authenticity to a cooked genre story about high school and growing up and life and idk (2024-09-02 11:23:49) to Martie "Murds" Mood Feeling of alienation, not fitting in, not feeling up to the task of living, especially as a dude, anxiety from that. I think that perspective -- well you get it from Isaac so idk -- but thinking about how toxic dudes have gotten... whatever idk, but the story ends that, I have self confidence now lol a bit I think and I'd drink to alleviate anxiety and fit into the world I think. (2024-09-03 17:12:44) to Martie "Murds" Mood Yo do you remember when you were on that Hershey trip in eighth grade and fuck in ####### listened to the specials it might've even been before that at the sixth grade camping trip because I listen to Operation Ivy then and all that but yeah I don't know I feel like there was like I guess maybe dumb heard the specials and told me about the song either a little bitch or something else is Bitchin it and being like OK but yeah that it's kind of cool because it's like you're seeing someone for the first time being like yeah there's is this Scott stuff is pretty dope a anyway text (2024-09-04 14:10:55) to Martie "Murds" Mood 5th, jersey and coles (2024-09-07 16:00:15) to Martie "Murds" Mood https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTFeU5BaS/ (2024-09-08 03:08:11) to Martie "Murds" Mood Cool idea: if the band story is a girl and the present alcoholic shit is a dude, maybe the dude talks about the hierarchy of a middle school fall ball team or high school baseball and just how weirdly ranked bases it all was (2024-09-08 03:12:23) to Martie "Murds" Mood Job becomes your literal life. Like there's podcasts ripping into other coworkers, and it's influential. Like they can't think outside that world. (2024-09-08 03:19:29) to Martie "Murds" Mood Thinking of how certain senses take you back to an age or whatevs -- tangy taste is bile from 20s -- and just gross nasty indecipherable, it's gotta be pre-teen. Just a cacophony of shit. Tooth paste and oj (2024-09-08 03:24:13) to Martie "Murds" Mood Wasn't until I came to Jc that I stopped using my old blanket. Sorta signals childish or arrested development. I graduated ti a better blanket but sleep the same. (2024-09-08 03:25:57) to Martie "Murds" Mood Always used the end as a coping mechanism, even as an adult (2024-09-08 04:32:41) to Martie "Murds" Mood I'm very gone, but you should keep a schedule or routine I think lol basically just write everyday (2024-09-08 04:57:49) to Martie "Murds" Mood House of leaves ass shit. I'm like, begging for the sun to come up, checking my phone, yelling at myself for being so pretentious, all while playing rocket league and being like, this would be good for a book, what a fun moment. And then getting iratrionallu angry at myself cause I'm just kinda a symbol I guess. Caricature. One that I hate. But you're cool. Just silly, lol. Anyway. The minutes tick by. I hope you find this. Ight. Later alligator (2024-09-08 04:59:09) to Martie "Murds" Mood I'm pretty certain I'm "disassociating" -- you can determine in the future lol. Idk. (2024-09-08 05:20:55) to Martie "Murds" Mood Eventually the angry part of your brain is like, stop being an egoist, go to sleep, loser. If it's delusions or disassociation, whatever. Talk it out at therapy, but you're fucking fine and live in the world. You are not in house of leaves you dork. Absolute dork. Relax. Jesus. Lol. (2024-09-08 05:36:34) to Martie "Murds" Mood I felt a beat behind and then I relaxed everything especially my jaw just have faith and let go and I fell back into rhythm. Felt like an immediate pop. Sun ain't up. That's wild. Nuts. Stop taking drugs lol (2024-09-11 22:13:26) to Martie "Murds" Mood Life story where it's like, each chapter or section is a section of my or their life, like, The Next 3 Years (Post-college to Forbes hire); the next four years (Forbes years); shows these long periods that aren't defined by something regimented and staid like "seasons" (2024-09-14 14:38:27) to Martie "Murds" Mood #######'s ####### died from alcohol -staring at microwave imagining yourself in a casket -living an addicts life: redirecting the energy to reading or music (2024-09-14 14:38:37) to Martie "Murds" Mood --and guitar obviously (2024-09-14 23:55:28) to Martie "Murds" Mood https://x.com/forbesunion/status/1833965032427626999 (2024-09-14 23:55:46) to Martie "Murds" Mood That's an insane thing to have happened (2024-09-15 02:00:14) to Martie "Murds" Mood Instead of seeing bodies, could just be that she transfixes on the cemetery down the street and wonders what goes on at night or whatever, and in one instance, she sees a body and tries to ignore it (2024-09-15 04:40:52) to Martie "Murds" Mood Thinking about it, as a kid, music gave me the same feeling as being high. I'm so locked in, my bladder has fucked off temporarily, just like when u watched Green Day live -- and when I used to vibe to smashing pumpkins. I distinctly remember when I really switched my life to what I'd be, and it's when I noticed as a kid listening to music a ton and being like, what have u been doing with my time? I think The Clash definitely -- police and thieves. And then I started scrounging #####'s shit for sure. Like Alice and chains and shit lol. But yeah, I had a renewed appreciation of Green Day and the clash at that moment. And I guess everyone else had the same pop in their heads and the closest punk band I'd listened to was Green Day. And that made me invalid, lol. But yeah, this is -- wouldn't you know it -- like 7th grade, which I said is the worst part of my life and then life started getting worse, and then you figured out that life is hell but there's a spark in the air that you can tap into, lives worth fighting for. I was on the right trail though and told myself to plunge into shit. And that really manifested in the band and trusting myself to put it all out there. Yeah I'm legit as fuck lol. But yeah, this is coming from listening to smashing pumpkins. Idk if I missed my point but that's a pretty nice bow -- to the point that my Brian is fried. Okay bye (2024-09-15 04:42:26) to Martie "Murds" Mood Oh I'm tripping on Glassboro trim bro lol the shit is nuts (2024-09-15 05:01:48) to Martie "Murds" Mood Realizing you adopted the talking to yoruself thing from ###; and also attitude towards bladder -- opening up a fridge for food, see fiber one, "ohhh but that's gonna make me shit", which is something ### would say (2024-09-15 05:14:55) to Martie "Murds" Mood I knew the silence of the world -- damn (muzzle) (2024-09-15 05:23:27) to Martie "Murds" Mood (Porcelana) feel like I was afraid of the world as a kid and middle school made me fear pain and the band helped me dare and jump and survive and that's everything. (2024-09-15 07:12:11) to Martie "Murds" Mood Night times are a blessing. Likely means you ain't got shut to do (2024-09-16 00:38:48) to Martie "Murds" Mood ##### wasn't judgmental when I fucked up -- except when he needed to know I fucked up -- forgot to tip delivery person, joked about suicide, didn't assert myself. I think #### filled in when I hit high school, lol. But still, he could be a bit fascist lol (2024-09-16 00:39:40) to Martie "Murds" Mood Isaac maybe teaches Emma -- in essence, not so much words -- of how patriarchy works. It creates two toxic monsters (2024-09-16 00:40:20) to Martie "Murds" Mood Then on day, I hated him. Lol, would be pretty intense transition (2024-09-16 03:32:54) to Martie "Murds" Mood Realizing I'm casually doing the "listening to music stoned while watching something on mute" like the Pink Floyd oz thing. Idk, neat little detail doing this all the time (2024-09-17 04:38:26) to Martie "Murds" Mood In writing about the band and how there is value in seemingly value less experiences it might be interesting to describe scenes sometimes with a this is of no note and not worth mentioning and value list to the reader and it could be describing a train ride it could be describing a meal or some type of other Monday and interaction but it could be interesting I don't know I'm just really high right now OK bye (2024-09-17 05:15:33) to Martie "Murds" Mood Dreams of waves, that time you held your breath; lotta ocean shit lol. You def need scenes at the jersey shore ffs. Right now, you have the freak out but it's not anything but a quick thing. Build it out. (2024-09-17 05:18:43) to Martie "Murds" Mood Could be that the shore reminds her of times with her sister skateboarding and just life before having a guitar and band (2024-09-18 03:10:24) to Martie "Murds" Mood I feel like I'm still trying to impress #### or have him be proud of me. Kinda a thin line. That's weird lol. Also I'm 34 and just got a union contract signed. (2024-09-18 20:45:39) to Martie "Murds" Mood Advice: "Listen to Joe Strummer" (2024-09-19 02:00:36) to Martie "Murds" Mood Feel like I crashed a whiskey release by rich Iraq war veterans at ground zero...imperial to the core...and I got insanely drunk and blacked out and came to in jersey city lol crazy (2024-09-19 22:56:27) to Martie "Murds" Mood https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTFjw9ges/ (2024-09-20 18:46:10) to Martie "Murds" Mood I tried to be the American sold to me in commercials during the 2000s -- which is scary cause shit was wild lol (2024-09-21 01:00:35) to Martie "Murds" Mood Arguing over covering a Wham song...beginning of the end lol (2024-09-21 01:01:48) to Martie "Murds" Mood I think I was mad that we weren't important, we were kids, making kids music, I just took all that anger against the band, against ska itself lol, and in turn, the coolest thing I ever did (2024-09-22 03:55:49) to Martie "Murds" Mood I. Get the whole, ima smoke a lot to stave off cravings for alcohol. Jesus. I wanna go back to being a nothing. (2024-09-22 03:58:20) to Martie "Murds" Mood Music does comfort me a lot (2024-09-23 02:57:02) to Martie "Murds" Mood Ska theoretically comes in waves, and the genre was seen as dead, and I was part of the underground keeping it alive. That's insane to think (2024-09-24 00:51:52) to Martie "Murds" Mood #### would keep passively needling at something (like I'm unfortunately doing to ### with all these texts about Gaza being bait basically) but he saw it as a positive and directed it at the authority I felt my ######s had on me, until it came to a head with the tour (2024-09-24 18:32:06) to Martie "Murds" Mood A lot of ska brings me comfort as I'm older. Partly cause I "get it" more after working (2024-09-24 20:22:31) to Martie "Murds" Mood Been eating a lot of crackers and pb outta the jar for dinner lol (2024-09-24 20:22:48) to Martie "Murds" Mood Helped save money I think lol (2024-09-24 22:03:45) to Martie "Murds" Mood A.P. would have you bullied to fits during a stretch, then the calm down, it feels like he then sees worth in you and there's a level of respect shared. Same as at Forbes. Sharing a drink as just men felt good after being abused. Weird shit, lol. Like dusk till dawn (2024-09-24 23:26:40) to Martie "Murds" Mood Start the story talking about the current state of the apartment -- i can have a sick montage of making coffee in a French press but you gotta ignored the sued napkins, the dried over drying rack, the cylinder of buttered weed... that's a week old...and still wet lol. And then it's defensive like, I mean, everyone's place is a sty but a lovable one, like la croix cans pile up. And then halfway through, maybe drop another beer cans pile up, sue me, sorta thing (2024-09-24 23:28:23) to Martie "Murds" Mood Us Dumb Fucking Americans, lol, great title. Labor movement centered. American modern experienece. Yeah. I see it. (2024-09-26 02:26:48) to Martie "Murds" Mood I thought I was doing better lol (2024-09-26 02:30:01) to Martie "Murds" Mood I've been trying harder, I fucked up again, I think o am doing better but it's not good enough, so you gotta do what you gotta Do, I'll be ready for whatever and I hope to repair my image with you (2024-09-26 03:20:31) to Martie "Murds" Mood Personal life hasn't been amazing, but it's my job to be ready to work for eight hours. And this past week, I've been all over the place so.... (2024-09-26 03:22:32) to Martie "Murds" Mood I can't be taking indefinite breaks, I get that (2024-09-26 03:27:41) to Martie "Murds" Mood What happened? I knew I had a people story, so I diverted my attention. That was dumb. Why does it keep happening? I've been trying harder to be ready and responsive for work, and while I think I've been okay, I just haven't been with it. Anything going on? No excuses. I'm paid to be ready. It takes a lot of maintenance to keep myself going but this week I tripped up and I accept any consequences. (2024-09-26 03:35:55) to Martie "Murds" Mood Hey Martie, you didn't do something illegal or fucked up man. You're only human, you were late, you weren't prepared, and at the end of it all, you still wrote up your assignment and got it done without any edits. You're a good person, you're a good journalist, you're a good union member, you're a good friend, you're a good son. You just suck at getting to things on time. You suck at handling stress sometimes. Hey, sometimes you're good. But dude. You have this guilt from being tired. The world is tiring. You can't be perfect. And you're perfectly good at shit that really matters in the world. So don't be so fucking hard on yourself dude. That's what a pissed off ### would say when you were a kid. You gotta go easy in yourself. You bring so much to the world. And even within your profession, you've broadly been a net benefit, in spite of your failings as a "good" salary man. Fuck it bro, it's okay. Take the deserved lashings, realize you didn't do something heinous like plagiarize, and move on with your life. Shits too fragile to lose your mind and soul to a salary that demands you must be ready at all times. That's nuts. You ain't perfect but dammit you're good in ways that you know matter. Being on time matters to getting paid, but fuck me, how many articles have you written? How few have errors? How many are even great? Chill. Lol, you still dope as fuck, you've really worked on yourself, you've been a good family, friend, member, and human. You like sleeping, shit man. Sue me. (2024-09-26 03:36:54) to Martie "Murds" Mood And you just wrote a big ol journal entry to make yourself feel better. And it worked. Again, you're gonna get in trouble, but everyone that matters still loves you. And I still love you, you dumb stupid bastard. (2024-09-26 03:48:58) to Martie "Murds" Mood -been a rock for ### -visited ####### and ####### multiple times -was heavily active in the strike -have been a thoughtful friend this year -been there for #####, whether to spend time with him or watch ### -I've at least been paying my bills -I've donated thousands for the Palestinian cause an other social justice movements -I've educated myself thoroughly throughout the year, taking the time to read, listen to books, watch documentaries, put myself through it -I've kept myself happy through music, movies -I haven't hurt anyone, and I've tried to avoid hurting myself the best I can, in order to get through life -I'm a good, sweet guy in my community -- the woman at the cafe gave me free banana bread -I'm in touch with my feelings and on the right side of history and tried to make a different day to day -Over the last four years, I have been a good reporter for ###### -- i.e. I've earned my pay despite being a bit sloppy. Even your boss admits that you're a great reporter and has been impressed with your work. That's before everyone at Forbes with impressed with your work. -I put my name on the line for my friends and former coworkers at Forbes, and it's result in a ballsy union that my friends are proud of. (2024-09-26 03:49:10) to Martie "Murds" Mood Beez loves you lol (2024-09-26 03:50:11) to Martie "Murds" Mood Things could be worse: you were very close to drinking. Super close. But you didn't. You didn't. (2024-09-26 04:25:12) to Martie "Murds" Mood By the way, the several friends you have, including the ones that truly love you, are happy as fuck you're in their lives. Stop beating yourself up. You show up, man. (2024-09-26 05:23:00) to Martie "Murds" Mood The song "one time" is good man. (2024-09-26 05:27:19) to Martie "Murds" Mood I feel like I'm getting angry now. I don't need you to be "concerned" for me. That's your own shit. I have people looking out for me. My ### asked how I was doing, I'm clearly not in the mood to talk, she gets that, texts me and I respond, cool, we out, I'm alone. Also, I want to be alone, maybe. Perhaps that's okay right now. I'm feeling hurt, going through shit, having someone to hug would be great, but I just talked myself down by reminding myself of friends. Like, I'm good. I don't need my workplace trying to give a shit. Like, fuck off. And also, why are you being so fucking dramatic and talking about a wellness check? I don't think of you like that. And you can be upset about it, but holy shit dude, I ain't your kid. I understand the time and place for a wellness check -- that wasn't it. And you're sending armed police to my fucking building. Are you insane?! Fuck off. Oh my god. So stupid. (2024-09-26 05:39:29) to Martie "Murds" Mood If it happens, which it literally cannot on Friday, getting fired isn't a big fucking deal. It sucks. But you'll fucking live, honey, with everybody still in your corner -- and we a nice financial outcome when you get down to it. Also, while I don't regard my bosses as family, I love that union, and I can safely say I put my full ass into that campaign, both in time spent and money shared. Plus, you know, helping push one of the best journalism contracts to the finish line. Ultimately, I played a part in that, and I can be proud to have made an impact on the ground of a movement. That's amazing. Yeah...fuck yeah dude, lol. That's rad dude. You're 34. What a fucking life bro. (2024-09-26 05:48:06) to Martie "Murds" Mood ULTAMETELEE, shit happens (2024-09-26 06:00:25) to Martie "Murds" Mood You should tell ##### about all this -- by the way, once again, bears repeating, you can't get fired today lol, and you straight can't get fired unless you go through a whole process, and you've literally spent all night coming to grips with the very idea that you'll be fired, to which you've done a pretty grade-fucking a job of handling (unless ##### says something otherwise) and...shit I had another thought, lol. Oh, ask if...this is dumb, but like...therapy is about managing this shit right? Like ULTIMATELY I struggle a bit -- do I have depression? Lol, inquiring minds would like to know -- but it's not like, people become perfect things. Like sometimes you fall. Like, you know what I mean, lol, shit is hard, try not to make it too hard on yourself and recognize there's only so much control you can have of your environment and your reactions to it. Like damn...sometimes I crash. (2024-09-26 06:10:54) to Martie "Murds" Mood Also, this isn't anyone's fault but my own, and I'm okay with that -- after writing all this shit, obviously. But, I always worry that people will blame themselves when I fail, and that's ridiculous. I have a feeling that, if I were to be fired, which again, isn't possible currently, my ### would think to herself that she piled on or whatever. That's just ridiculous, and I wouldn't even answer a question about it. I would tell my ### to seek therapy lol cause I don't give a fuck, it's my fault alone. (2024-09-26 06:11:53) to Martie "Murds" Mood Also also, I feel like chicks both dig someone that can analyze themselves and dirt bags that can't get to fucking work on time (this is a joke, just in case lol) (2024-09-26 06:41:40) to Martie "Murds" Mood ULTIMATTELY I shoulda taken a vacation (2024-09-26 06:55:23) to Martie "Murds" Mood I think I'm selfish about my time. If I had any advice, you should be more mindful of how much time is spent at idk I kinda don't care. But for your own sake, dude, appreciate the time you're working...that advice sucks, I hate work. Lmao, idk. You need to get paid. I mean...you pulled off four years. And you can't get fired. Stop texting yourself, dick hole. See? You're wasting time. For shame. (2024-09-30 04:32:55) to Martie "Murds" Mood Idk if this is a good idea or not, but what if the whole story was told from the pov of Emma/Martie's friends instead of them. Each chapter is a different anecdote with Emma. (2024-09-30 05:30:26) to Martie "Murds" Mood Welsir. Nickname for dude who thinks "well sir" is "welsir." And used it frequently. (2024-10-02 15:50:08) to Martie "Murds" Mood Emma feels like she's getting owned in public by band -- ### saying he rushes during radio interview, red eye during show (2024-10-03 23:57:31) to Martie "Murds" Mood Wonder if you could do the second half of the band story as straight up "the adult section" and mention that section sucked in IT (2024-10-05 01:42:17) from Martie "Murds" Mood What if both stories have separate narrators. Could be martie telling Emma's story, brother or sister telling Martie's, whatever (2024-10-05 04:52:29) from Martie "Murds" Mood Make a comic and it's all really violent and weird actually and you feel kind of freaked out by it (2024-10-06 00:13:50) to Martie "Murds" Mood Maybe Emma story told by a crush from afar. Then however Martie's story is told (2024-10-06 00:14:06) to Martie "Murds" Mood Or it's Martie telling Emma's story and then interjecting about himself (2024-10-06 02:46:09) from Martie "Murds" Mood Write down these texts to start Then ask yourself questions before an outline, and free write answers, then make a summary, then an outline, then free write questions and answers, and work (2024-10-07 02:35:18) from Martie "Murds" Mood Sitting here, enjoying the record, watching a dude drive across Japan, it reminds me of listening to music, watching a movie at the same time late night on the weekends -- peak life (2024-10-07 03:31:40) to Martie "Murds" Mood Maybe a pivotal argument between this made-up suicidal but cool and of course handsome history of whatever teacher where either Emma or Isaac try to get him to have a big soliloquy about life amid their own turmoil. And the teacher is just smoking a joint and being hella real, hella present, just trying to be super honest about how life promises whatever and then you only see dirt and how you just need to learn to appreciate the dirt or something but not done in a truism way, I haven't totally thought this through, but this pisses em/is off cause it feels sort of worthless and not Truism enough, and the teacher is like, dude idk what to tell ya, I'm just being honest, you should do x y z because this (good advice, I guess) and -- also this talk is about life and what it means, and remember, he's gonna die but he's not a dumb person, ya know -- but the answer feels inconsequential for this precocious person and he basically is like, you're fine, you're fine, and they're like, that's what people who aren't fine say, and then the teach is like, dude come on, what am I supposed to say here as an adult, and then is like, idk man sleep it off, and then em/is tries to turn it back in him being like, you're a shit role model and a fucking deadbeat loser who's gonna die alone, or other some such attack, and motherfucker comes to a realization: this motherfucker is gonna screw his gig. Obviously not that dramatic or cold-hearted, but an impulse takes over a bit. And he's like, you know you're right, like you shouldn't smoke this until you're 26 or whatever, and is being legitimately concerned, cause maybe then em/is is like I've already smoked a ton!! And dude is like, ah damn dude real talk you should quit bro, at least til your late 20s and you sit with the fact of like lung cancer, and this just pisses Emma the fuck off or Isaac idk probably Isaac and -- Emma totes would sit in the corner and watch in horror -- but then what he (I think the real message is that, hey, think about how rad playing video games late into Friday night and listening to music and pizza and Dr Pepper and cats and shit...now I might have got a little out of hand here, but point being, we all kinda came to the conclusion that life is shit...but fucking video games late at night on a Friday...YOU HAVE ALL OF SATURDAY. Okay. That's a little too nihilistic but idk dude, like, you'll figure the shit out, you'll be fine, you go girl, whatever dumb fucking truism you want, I'm locked and loaded -- don't tell your parents I'm locked and loaded, and please don't eat me out for the herbal essences, ya know what I is saying, so yeah dude, uh...I'm gonna stay out here and think about things, and I hope we're cool, dude. My bad if I ruined like your night, like for real. I'm gonna stop talking.) uh...idk what that was. I'm...oh, and Isaac tells him, well your smoking weed to escape your shitty existence and your a pussy and kys (that might be too unhinged) but really attacks, agros, and teach is like, OH I FORGOT THE JOKE, I don't even know if it's funny, but after accusing him of smoking weed to escape, he's like, yeah I know I shouldn't be doing this but I am, and then it's actually an exciting thought -- whoa I'm smoking in front of a student, that's, IM THAT GUY, that's crazy -- but then is like, that was a little to corny, a little too Jim at the office, and -- wrap it up lol -- is all (you like texting yourself as a means of writing, move on but keep in mind) and is like, man do whatever, listen to me, don't listen to me, I'm just trying to be present right now and just like, vibe dude. I'm trying to vibe, I wanna kms. And that might be too unhinged but he catches himself and is like, also that's not cool dude, like, that's hurtful man. And then goes back to what he was doing. Holy shit. That's a neat wrap up. I just like, made myself numb. That's good. It also might be the weed. But the vibes are swell. I should sleep, and eat peanut butter. My stomach is empty, and I will quench it with pb on a spoon. This is my life. There are many like it, but this one is mine -- I think that's how the like goes. (2024-10-07 03:42:21) to Martie "Murds" Mood And then the teach gets caught hanging out in the parking lot, just laughing at tik tok or whatever, just cracking the fuck up, enjoying life, and it just seems like he got so high he's actually crazy lol. (Monday, 10/7/24) You did it. You beautiful, dumb bastard. You did it. You're currently high at 3:22 p.m. listening to Badlands. Beez is sunbathing on the back window sill. Halo 3 is on the screen -- I mean, why not, right? Anyway, you were on top of this list yesterday -- read the whole thing like twice, and a few passages more than that. I don't think it was because you were reading to yourself and cackling at your immense genius (you didn't cackle at all, but perhaps a nose snort). I think it helped refocus me after being overcome with sleep or just general malaise. You could just see that, in fact, today wouldn't be so bad. Good even. A proper start and while you got tired, you avoided the sack (you slept for like 30 minutes with your head on the desk) and nailed a 70-something page report about AI and stuff. All while keeping ####### in the loop. Shit, you even got lunch, you walked to the park, you read the news and gave an informed yet light overview of your anger at the world. Man, and that second hour of dedicated work, you locked the fuck in. Spent the morning how I would at Forbes -- catching up on the world as I organize what I'll need to write a story -- and then told myself to work straight between 11 a.m. and noon. Hold on, Something in the Night is playing. Remember: this isn't about efficiency. It's about living in the present moment and appreciating the hours of the day. It's about chasing the feeling of a Friday night when you were 13. Anyway, don't break your ass doing it, but make a list for tomorrow below. I don't mean this to come off as an assignment -- listen to a record and just tap away whenever before the end of the day. That should be plenty of time...don't panic, lol. ... I walked away to shower Beez with affection and to send my story in for editing. I cleared out my remaining check-in emails as well. Boom, dude. Task accomplished. You're on side two of Darkness at the Edge of Town. I believe in a Promised Land. It's anywhere with you, slut. Anyway, here's what I anticipate for you Tuesday morning. What, pray tell, will occur? (Tuesday, 10/8/24) YO, I just blew my own mind. I opened up the previous day's file, and it was all congratulatory and like, you did it, you are king. But then I say I'm high at 3:22 p.m. And I look down at the clock on the computer. 3:22 a.m. I don't know what I thought, but it made my mind shit itself. Anyway, I'm high at 3:22 a.m. listening to Nebraska. Lies of P speedrun in the background. I just looked up the level of difficulty, and yeah, nah, I'm good. You also just looked up the nearest record store, and you totally could drive over, like, whenever. You also booked a haircut in advance of the weekend; and that's in the middle of the day, so you good. Okay. First off: after work, during the Phillies game, I passed out 'til midnight. That's fine. They lost to the Mets 7-2, so at least I was spared that horror. But its three hours later, I listened to some records, watched some TikTok before it's fucking banned, re-heated my coffee, and smoked some sativa. Oh, and I finished The Message from Ta-Nehisi Coates. Ace shit. Some "bad" (i.e. fucking fine and not a thing): you forgot to do this list after work; but it's fine, you knocked out that stupid Workday course during the final hour of work, then fell asleep to the Phillies. Things could be worse. Oh, you also ate a whole can of Pringles plus handfuls of peanuts and you necked a canister of coffee at this point...so you're gonna shit hot later. Sorry. Word, moving on, I wanted to write out a list to just plan out the day again, especially since, hey, you...Sorry, I got distracted. Atlantic City is playing and some funky shit was happening on the television and my eyelids felt warm suddenly 'cause of drugs, lol. I'm making a list. I'm making a list for Wednesday. Things are swell. It'll be a cool autumn day. Now: do you fall asleep after the list or no? We shall find out. I don't really care either way, lol. (Wednesday, 10/9/24) Oh my God, you didn't shit the bed on your third day, even though you tried to sabotage yourself by going to sleep early yesterday, lol. Whatever, you didn't get in your head that you had to accomplish x,y,z between sleeping. You wrote out a list, chilled and slept a few hours before work. And boy...I was tired this morning. But coffee, sunshine, fake naps at the desk, and, of course, a Red Bull is all you need to get through the day with every item on Wednesday's list checked off. You even did a story on two 40-page motions. That's skill, dog. So, anyway, it's 5 p.m. now, and I figured I could write out a list before tomorrow. Side One of What's Going On has concluded, and the Phillies play in eight minutes, and I'm high and tired and Beez is acting like a nut despite giving him my all. It's okay. But I'ma move to my desk. I'll chip away at this while watching the fucking game...They better not lose, man. The only thing that popped in my mind that I wanted to make sure to include: Tell yourself not to drink any of the Red Bulls in the fridge unless you're dying in the afternoon. No 3 a.m. drinks. You have a whole pack of La Croix, you crazy sunuvabitch. ... Okay, I listened to the whole game while grinding achievements in FFXIV. Anyway, they lost. No matter! You're an adult. You won't let this dumb fucking team ruin your entire mood. (lol, I feel fine, honestly. NBA is starting soon anyway.) So, cool, back out in the living room, realizing I didn't technically sleep throughout the day, so that bodes well, I guess. Listening to Thunder Road and have a book of pictures around Jersey City. Fucking...read the whole thing, fuck it. Wait, this isn't the step-by-step Workday part. Fuck it! Let's get to it. Today was a solid-ass day. Three days in a row. You're doing the damn thing. (Thursday, 10/10/24) An action-packed day, but I feel good, I feel content, we're already vibing. It's 6:03 p.m. I'm listening to the second side of What's Going On -- fuck it, I'll flip it back over, dammit -- some Dark Souls 2 hitless speedrun is on the screen and I'm -- naturally -- high. Indian food is on the way -- naturally. Immaculate vibes, all in all. I suppose that comes from a day where you hit up a haircut appointment -- my fucking neck is scratchy as hell; take a shower dumbass -- relax and be yourself around folks, nail your two stories -- including a duo class action, my boy -- and then have an open, non-scripted therapy session. Now, I'll do whatever the fuck. MINDFULLY. Tomorrow is Friday. That's reason enough to smack this hoe to next Monday. Take your time, write out a new list, keep in mind that it should be a chill day right before a three-day weekend. Fuck dude. And the weather has gone full-ass autumn? Fuck dude. If this ain't nice... (10/27/24 9:41 p.m.) *You just write the novel's second half like it's Rum Diary -- like, took a shot of Dayquil, smoked a joint, dranked some coffee, we're rolling. Can't stop snorting my nose clean -- like straight-up dry, I just want the taste of the oral cavity down my throat. FOOTBALL, EAGLES, WOOOO!!! And then, being up at 4 a.m. or whatever. You sound like a crazy person, but that's cool. People like that. 'Cause they got a little more sense. I've got sense enough to have a worldview that lets me enjoy moments like this, mufucka. *taste my sinuses...nutty, lol, rich like bone i guess? ... Write a 500-1,000 word summary of the novel and then you can do whatever you want...I mean go smoke weed first, but you're getting all anxious about the rest of the day -- bro, you good, you just had a braingasm, write it out, and feel good about it. Here's what I'm imagining. The first half of the novel concerns Emma and the band, through its start to its dissolution. In that, this guitar player learns from a brilliant but angry frontman. She begins taking on many of his worst tendencies -- but they also carve out a space of collective energy in the Philly region. Things fall apart when treating the band, not as a collective or a means to experience legitimate, tangible dreams with your closest friends, but a business that must be maintained in an "American" way -- i.e. as a patriarchy, with typical bureaucratic backstabbing commencing almost immediately after deciding to simply take the venture a little bit more seriously. This occurs amid the 2000s and a reign of rampant conservativism. Music, the scene, the relationships, the ethos of ska, punk, of Vonnegut and Strummer, serves as an escape from a plastic, vapid, angry, violent culture overtaking the American Century. The second half of the book involves epistles written by a soon-to-be middle-aged journalist named Martie "Murds" Mood. I wonder who this cuck is based on. These letters are addressed to, perhaps, his long-lost best friend, his mentor during high school, his favorite high school teacher, his older brother, what have you. These letters address three main things amid the time period this second part takes place. It describes a "sell out" period for Martie, where he attempted to enter a "legitimate," "real" space in the form of a reporter gig at Forbes Magazine. This period is marked by struggles in balancing his ethics and the demands of "manufacturing consent" for American capitalism, most distressingly seen through alcohol abuse and self-harm. I, frankly, feel very protective of my memories of being in the band -- and the private lives of my friends -- but I have no problem bleeding from the wrist in front of my friends and family, so long as I can use my own voice to at least add levity and assuredness that I made it through. I hadn't thought of it like that until sitting down to write, but I think that's partly what makes me excited about this idea. There are other, less egoistic reasons to rummage down this path, though. The second topic I think these letters could examine is "awakening" to the world, as this would take place during a time where I became more conscious about my decisions and relying less on contrived truisms passed down by an American diet of propaganda and violent sexism. In doing so, I can better articulate how I feel about the past, including but not limited to, the time I spent in a punk band and realizing how important those memories sit for me. The third thing -- and I'm unsure if I'm broadening out this second point or this is the actual final point I meant to make when I started rambling -- is I would be able to illustrate that, while I have found myself, that person exists in the people I care about in life. People like #####, where in the band story, I could position a character like Angie as someone that introduces Emma to a culture outside the band -- while falling down the path of a sell out -- becomes less of a stereotype in Martie's life, as ##### battles with his positive and negative learned qualities from growing up in South fucking Jersey. I suppose I would need to be careful in how I talk about friends if I were to go down this path. At a certain point, it goes from novel to a fucking memoir, which isn't really what I'm getting at. Ultimately, the ending -- and a major well of symbolism -- that has always swirled in my head feels far more earned by going down this route. (Also, I love the oddball sequels to more accessible material -- think Chrono Cross to Chrono Trigger, or Majora's Mask to Ocarina of Time. Fun band story to difficult alcoholic memoir.) I always envisioned the story starting with an older Emma smoking some weed, staying up late, dying from a slip. I also always felt so strongly -- I mean, since I was a kid -- about memories lingering in your senses. I remember standing on the front steps of the Glassboro house, smelling an early summer air, and immediately daydreaming about ###### and laying in parks at midnight, feeling like I was free for the first time, feeling like myself, without even knowing myself. I just knew I wasn't faking, and it was scary and raw and amazing. Like...I felt that, I knew I wanted to write about that feeling, since I was like a fucking teenager. That's the real McCoy, motherfucker. But yes, also, in doing these echoes between the story, it just creates this hazy field that the reader takes in -- what's Emma, what's Martie, what's real, what's fiction, and truly it's all real. It's just me. I was Emma. That's how I felt. And I am not just okay with it, but I love it. And I want to share that feeling, that vision of my life and what all these people mean to me, good and bad, in a story. Yeah. Yeah. But also, it's totally like a story I would pitch to my friends at the cafeteria table, falling over myself, talking about the twist and turns and meanings, and just really awakening to the power of story. It came through in Catcher in the Rye, Grand Theft Auto 4, Reservoir Dogs, Metal Gear Solid, and plenty of other "red flag" material, I'm now realizing. Having a teenage girl come into masculinity, and having a 30-something man come into his true worth and ideological viewpoint, influenced by Black feminists, is, I don't know, like a cool mix up, and it's messy and cloudy and real and raw and fucking rad. And, if I can allow myself a second to fluff myself like a good PA on a porn set, my life is fucking cool and I do dope shit. Oh, but yeah, the ending is Martie slips on ice and cracks his skull -- I slipped on ice as a kid and adult -- and waking up to that little girl stuck out in the ocean believing she would die and assuring herself that, in fact, she lived a good life. And that would thematically show that this manic stoner dead from a fall in his 30s lived a goddamn good life, and goddammit, there's something to goddamn say about that, dammit. Like the ending of Vagabond, that's a dope movie. Oh, fuck, I totally missed a big part of this. Like, I was watching foosball, right? And I was suggesting some horror gems to my ####### and ##### and one of them was Killers of the Flower Moon in the "True Crime" category. I watched that shit in Manhattan during opening week, took the day off, popped tons of eddies, truly saw evil in the face of Robert DeNiro's character, felt fucked up afterwards and had to walk around the island like Will Smith in MIB when he learns about aliens and shit and montages like a boss. I remember taking some tourist's picture 'round some monument there...and I was gonna get a hot dog... but then I thought...nah, that shit is corny, just walk the fuck home. Anyway ...I obviously always wanted a political undercurrent to whatever this story became. I mean, shit, I'm talking about patriarchy and shit. But I also wanted to find a way where it wasn't just cheap. It was done in a way that Killers of the Flower Moon enveloped you into this mindspace and turned the mirror on you. Made you question your allegiance to anything remotely "American" and how we actually combat white supremacy and violent patriarchy and shit. And I also felt this connection between starting a band, seeing a scene in South Jersey and Philadelphia blossom*, and my career as a journalist moving from, "I WANNA BE THE BEST, LIKE NO ONE EVER WAS" and then breaking down into my essential parts through labor action, first as a cofounder at Forbes, then as a trooper at ###### as I was just trying to test myself through novels, films, music, therapy, sobriety, experimentation, all that jazz that sounds super pretentious unless you form in a way that's fun and cool like a fucking gonzo journalist, that Hunter S. Thompson shit -- while being wary and not entirely nihilistic, like a Vonnegut, Strummer, BJ Armstrong. Uh, and yeah, in doing that, I think I can create a more materialistic world like a Half-Nelson or American Idiot, and make it feel less like the try-hard shit from, like, a Disney or something. And that's what I learned from reading 100 novels. They envelop you in a mindspace, they challenge everything you think, they test the boundaries of a character's inner and outer world, and that's how I feel. And ultimately, I would be writing this for myself and my friends and family, and if I can pitch it for publishing, sure. Ultimately, that's not the goal. And ultimately, I know that, if I were to publish it, I would be showing a worldview that I feel comfortable being associated with with my whole fucking ass while HOPEFULLY not harming anyone that's come in contact with me or the story I want to tell. 'Cause, like, that's not the point of this...except for my old boss, he can blow goats. *Bro, we fucking opened for Bomb the fucking Music Industry dude. In Philly. One of Jeff Rosenstock's first shows in Philly. At the Troc, dude. That shit got shut down. And I was in the mosh pit with Jeff fucking Rosenstock, sweating with a dozens of other dudes, bruised in tight formation, singing nonsense into the night, at the age of fucking 16 dude! That's fucking nuts dude!! He's my fucking hero. He's like, every alt kid's hero NOW. IT'S JEFF ROSENSTOCK. HE'S A LEGEND THAT STILL PUTS OUT MASTERPIECES. HE'S BIGGER THAN EVER. And like, when I read these histories on ska, they talk about Jamaica, the two-tone movement in Britain, the Tony Hawk scene in the '90s, and then there's the dark period. And if you read Our Band Could Be Your Life, a seminal book on the '80s hardcore and post-rock scene that eventually birthed Nirvana, Green Day, the 90s revival of punk and hard rock, you know THOSE WERE THE COOLEST MOTHERFUCKERS. THOSE WERE THE REAL MCCOYS. AND THAT'S HOW THE 2000s SKA SCENE IS WRITTEN ABOUT NOW. Bearers of the flag, dude. And that flag stood for the death of Nazis, fascists. It was about fucking unity through any means necessary. Frantz Fanon up in this motherfucker. Angela Davis up in the motherfucker. Fred Hampton in this motherfucker. That's what I'm about bitch. That's what 16-year-old Martie was about. That's some good shit, dude. FAWK I'M KEWL. Anyway....that's...that's all in my brain...and you do it with... FIRST HALF BAND STORY, FINDING YOURSELF AND WARPING YOURSELF STORY SECOND HALF ALCOHOLIC AND RECOVERY STORY // AND SELLOUT TO UNION STORY ALL TOGETHER, IT'S A SOMETHING STORY, IT'S NOT ALL THERE, but I'll start making a story bible and breaking all this down into themes, chapters, characters, motifs, fucking...all that shit. This seems like a lot...but when I think about the western I wrote, that's so crazy. I cannot believe I managed to write that. I mean, it shocks me and even kinda freaks me out how on the money I was. And also what that story says about me...and how I'm like, very cool with what it says about me. And I'm very cool with whatever this says about me. Yeah....alright, I'm gonna watch a movie. Fuck this shit. (oct 29 2024) im pretty tired and dont wanna write anymore here what you did instead of dying today you tried to sleep between 730a and 9a. i kinda tossed and turned as the morning came. before the sun rose, the sky looked black and cloudy, but not enough to rain or anything. just that sort of autumn gloom. i decided against my better angels and got up, put on an outfit that looked like jay's vcr repair uni from half in the bag. i grabbed a can of red bull from the fridge and walked out to see if my car was towed. it was a mild, chilly, fairly "sunny-through-the-clouds" autumn day. i left beez sleeping in his tree bed. the staircase was quite visible. beez heard me typing and decided to pull the screen in front of me...oh wait, he needs to eat. hurry this shit up, i'm tired. i walked to my car on monmouth. it had a ticket but wasn't towed. it was also covered in what looked like soot. it's just dirt and shit from the tree i parked under. as i walked to the honda, i saw a space in front of barge inn that'd be good 'til thursday. fine by me. i walked over the leaves between the curb and tires. i grabbed the stupid... alright the boy needed to eat. i was pulling on the table foot. he's a good dood. fucking guy. anyway, you started the car, full tank, everything running fine, disregard the year-late inspection sticker. i told myself to relax and drink the red bull. i didn't feel high. i just wanted to take my time, let the engine warm up, clear the windows of fog by turning dials back and forth 'til it was clear. only a driveway was behind me, so i backed up and carefully pulled out and turned right on to 5th. at the end of the block, i stopped before the crosswalk and a woman in a black coat walked past. i turned onto coles and rode down past the mechanics's place and stopped next to lucky 7. the red light here catches people on my street. it's an awkward intersection. a car crash happened here around the time i first moved. it sure seemed like both were at fault, but i ain't a fucking insurance agent. i swung around, carefully parked it next to the garge inn or inn's barge or whatever that place is. lunch and dinner and this cat won't stop attacking my screen. i think he wants brushes now. alright. i also took a piss. i parked the car. it wasn't a thing. another driveway, i was little past a sign that said "no parking" but...it's just too far ahead of the alleyway driveway, i'm fine. tow me, idc. i walked back. passing people by. workers. commuters. families. students. i go to the cafe on jersey. dames coffee espresso bar. been here since i moved in. i think it's owned by a family. they know me. in the morning though, they're busy. i ain't trying to make small talk with them. i asked for a large americano and an almond croissant. they make them homemade, i believe the mother, perhaps grandmother? the older father is cleaning the windows. the sunrise shines through onto my back. i look down the counter, see my silhouette across the golden wall. and then my $10 order is handed to me. and i walk home. its 847 a.m. im going to send my morning check in email to #######. i'm already assigned but i'm a pro. i'll stay up...probably. beez is eating his prescription dry food. or not. he's antsy. i think i'll put a record on and drink the coffee and eat the pastry. i think bruce. but idk. today's a good day. (10/31/24) =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= -=-=- OUTSIDE COVER -=-=- =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= ON BLONDE NOTEBOOK DO NOT READ YET -> Fuck this guy, am I right? SUNDRIES & MISC. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= -=-=- INSIDE COVER -=-=- =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= I wanna make it brief. You're already horny about a second book -- or whatever. I like the idea of testing tons of writing exercises and going from there. I also have some other ideas percolating. But I told myself not to text myself anymore, and to get the fuck off the apps, lol. Going to send yourself nutty. Great phrase, jabroni. 1. Comment Below -yt -B.L. -G.R.? i. Brainstorm 100 writing exercises 1. Get Fucked 1. One Day At Hell 1. Interview w/yourself 2. Strict 70 1. ALL THE SCRIPT REVIEWS (you paid for them) {Sidenotes: BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY xx DO THE 1ST 1ST} (4/27/25 6:18 p.m.) "No matter where you start or where you end/You are in-between the where and when/You are in the middle of the loop/Do you feel half empty or half full?/Is everything beautiful or dull?/Flip a circle and the middle stays the same/ Halfway/We're halfway home/Slow down/The day's 'bout to be gone/The sun goes/He sleeps until dawn/Slow down/The day is gone" -Halfway, Magdalena Bay (2021) CUT TO BLACK. ******************************************************************************* (4/30/25 8:55 p.m.) EDITOR'S NOTE: The following is a transcript of a video edited by Martie "Murds" Mood. Title: What Bastion Says About Human Nature -- strummerdood Description: Free Palestine -- The Message (2024), a book by Ta-Nehisi Coates Visibility: Public Restrictions: - Date: Nov 27, 2014 Views: 3,846 Comments: 27 Like (vs. dislike): 177 (97.3%) BOARD: I'm gonna spoil Bastion, 'kay? 'kay. Hey, I'm strummerdood or Matt or whatever, I don't know. So, Bastion stands as an anomaly among other post-apocalyptic fare. With a vibrant color palette and impressionistic aesthetics, the game boasts a sort of whimsy. But as the game goes on, the history of the city and our protagonist's journey juxtapose the style with dark truths about human nature...which is crazy! Memories play a vital role in the world of Bastion: mementos can be collected while exploring levels and the nostalgic character Rucks will translate the hazy stories imbued within these items; our protagonist, the Kid, can help construct a memorial to lost institutions by completing challenges; and as the Kid sleeps, the player can learn of a character's backstory through wave-based combat. The game opens with our protagonist waking up on a floating rock. While the Kid traverses the ruins of Caelondia -- a city fractured by an event called the Calamity -- land masses form under his feet; the remnants of his past coming into focus. Like falling back into a long lost memory, he collects his trusty Cael Hammer -- the tool used to build the opening level's Rippling Walls -- finds a keepsake belonging to an old acquaintance, and eyes the statuesque remains of the bartender, Rondey. Falling out of the sky, the Kid lands on the Bastion, Caelondia's fail-safe plan in times of trouble. Upon meeting the Kid, Rucks requests he rebuild the Bastion in the image of Caelondia. As we see, nearly every element of the gameplay concerns reconstructing visions and memories of the past. BOARD: Bastion: An institution, place, or person strongly defending or upholding particular principles, attitudes, or activities However, as Caelondia's dark history comes into focus, it begins to mar your crusade. We learn the nation not only imperialized the indigenous residents, but enacted a war against an underground race of humans known as the Ura. Caelondia's arms race with the Ura manifests itself in the Kid's growing arsenal of weapons. Beginning with his personal hammer, the weapons become deadlier as technology grows. The Ura weaponry ascends from the innocuous Fang Repeater to the serrated War Machete to the massive Battering Ram, which rains fire from the sky and can be used to enact the final blow to the Ura people. The victors of the war, Caelondia employed an arsenal akin to America's during World War 2. The Mason's Hammer soon makes way to the city's first firearm, the Scrap Musket. Later, the Dueling Pistols and Army Carbine lead to more sinister weaponry like the Galleon Mortar and the Calamity Cannon, the latter of which served as a prototype for the doomsday device that caused the Calamity. Of course, the upgrade material for the weapon is plainly named Something Wrong. RUCKS: OK, now that's just plain overkill. I mean, come on. Every weapon used by the Kid at some point served to suppress either the Ura or Caelondia. And through their use, the Kid's hands bloody as he progresses. He eliminates the remaining life of the areas and often enacts the destruction of the regions by taking away their cores. BOARD: Flame Bellows: A simple miscommunication led to the fiery destruction of Caelondia's oldest forge, but at least it gave birth to this weapon. While unabashedly claiming the Calamity progresses towards its conclusion through the Kid's actions... RUCKS: For now, Kid had little choice but to pick up where the Calamity left off. ...Rucks justifies the killings, saying the Bastion will cure the mistakes done by their precursors -- reversing time to before the Calamity. RUCKS: Yes, our people caused the Calamity. But here we are trying to fix it. Rucks even calls the Bastion itself a record of the time; like a miniature model of Caelondia's history. RUCKS: This whole place is a living record of the times before the Calamity. The truth of Caelondian's origins and destruction soon haunt the Kid. His motivations for taking on this pilgrimage remain hidden throughout the majority of the game, but we get a glimpse into his mindset when falling unconscious in Jawson's Bog. Waking up on the Rippling Walls he once defended, the Kid no longer gets coddled with Rucks' excuses, and at the end of the fever dream, the Kid faces off against a demonized doppelganger. Rucks himself comments he prefers not to know the Kid's intentions, though he narrates the boys every action. As we learn in the conclusion of the game, the voiceover serves as a story told to the character, Zia, a survivor the Kid meets in Prosper Bluff. Traditional oral storytelling factors heavily into the events of Bastion. Rucks, for example, passes down the history of his people through narrative. BOARD: Brusher's Pike: The Brushers adopted this maneuver from great war stories passed down from older generations. In another instance, one of the Ura survivors the Kid comes upon, Zulf, goes on a rampage after reading the diary of Zia's father, Venn. The hidebound journal details the secrets of the Calamity. Attempted genocide of the Ura people, Venn reverse-engineered the device to instead target Caelondians. Zulf rejoins his people in hopes of wiping out the rest of the Caelondians, but when the Kid tears through them like toilet paper, Zulf's people turn on him. During the final moments of the Kid's massacre, he comes upon the dying Zulf. The player then makes a choice: Leave Zulf behind and finish the Calamity's job, or attempt to save Zulf by putting down their weapon and walking through a shower of bullets. With the latter choice, we see the Ura cease fire in a state of awe. A respect emerges among the people, and they allow the Kid to leave for the Bastion. In the coming ages, the Ura will surely talk of the Kid, who seemed like an unstoppable killing machine. But in saving Zulf, the Ura people will finally see pure empathy -- something the violence of war surely blinded. Afterwards, the player picks whether to reverse the events of the game -- erasing all the memories of this existence -- or move on and look for a new civilization together with Rucks, Zia, and maybe Zulf. During the story, Rucks makes his desires known: He wants to return to the glory of Caelondia's hey-day. On the other hand, Zia informs the Kid her best days occurred after the Calamity, and hopes not to reverse the event. For the kid, it's about either attempting to rebuild his life or moving on from the past. In this regard, perhaps the penultimate choice would have sufficed. Saving Zulf illustrates the Kid's willingness to move on. However, eliminating the remaining Uras shows his resistance to letting go of his memories. Throughout the game, the inevitability of the Calamity seems obvious. RUCKS: It's strange...feels like I've told this part a thousand times. The Ura-Caelondian War, 50 years ago, doomed to happen again. BOARD: "I dig a hole, you build a wall/One day that wall is gonna fall." -Zia's Theme It's tough to assess what exactly will become of the Bastion if the Kid moves on with his life instead of falling into the city's vicious cycle. The Kid surely built the world on the misery of others, but his final action may resonate far more. The game thematically tells not only of the importance of moving on from our past, but to learn and amend the mistakes made. BOARD: "It isn't necessary to imagine the world ending in fire or ice. There are two other possibilities: one is paperwork, and the other is nostalgia." -Frank Zappa Does this mean the world will no longer war? Hell no. Humanity will always war against one another, and technology will always reach an unethical level of destruction -- that's simple evolution. BOARD: "Regrettably, Einstein's concise question, 'Why War?', is answered by nature equally succinctly: because we are humans." -Dominic Johnson But the empathy shown by the Kid will hopefully be passed on to sustain whatever peace may come. It's depressing and inspirational all at once, ladies and gentlemen. It's a beautiful thing. That's Bastion for you, bitch. Mm, put it in your pop -- what?